


the gay table

by ashleygail



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe- Modern TIme, Multi, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, group chat au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-24 11:56:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 29,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13810692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleygail/pseuds/ashleygail
Summary: Ben: god i love corey feldmanRichie: i have modeled everything about myself after his iconic 80s rolesRichie: mouth from the goonies and teddy duchamp in stand by meMike: that explains why you willingly got coke bottle glasses in 2013 and still wear themRichie: u know it bby. i’ve wanted corey feldman to r*w me since i came outta the womb[Or a gc fic where everybody are big dummies who do dumb things and really love each other a whole lot!]





	1. tozier luv club

**Author's Note:**

> Bill: bill a bong  
> Stan: Stanley  
> Mike: mike n ike  
> Richie: dickard  
> Eddie: kasperbrak  
> Beverly: beaverly  
> Ben: benjamin button

**_the gay table_ **

_*Stanley changed the nickname for Richie Tozier to dickard*_

**kasperbrak** : im fucking screaming

**bill a bong** : jhfskjsaflsdjRHeuRGHBKVCMNTEIHOB

**beaverly** : that is 1 ugly ass key smash

**bill a bong** : why r u attacking me marsh

**beaverly** : THIS IS WHO I AM WILLIAM

**benjamin button** : William :)

**mike n ike:** william!!!

**kasperbrak** : I love my best friend william

**dickard** : eds :’(

**dickard** : wait wtf is my name

**dickard** : stan!!!!!11! what did I DO!!!?

**Stanley** : You know what you did you broken wire bra.

**kasperbrak** : BR0KEN WIRE BRA

**beaverly** : that is,,,, so fucking insulting stanley

**beaverly** : insult on a new level

**dickard** : :(

**Stanley** : YOU, Richard Tozier, know what you did. Do I NEED to embarrass you in front of all these people you consider friends?

**dickard** : ….

**dickard** : pls no

 

**_Eddie Kaspbrak >>> Stanley Uris_ **

**Eddie** : OMG WHAT DID HE DO

_*seen by Stanley Uris at 17:47pm*_

**Eddie** : S T A N , , , , ,    

_*seen by Stanley Uris at 17:52pm*_

**Eddie** : fine fuck u

_*seen by Stanley Uris at 17:55pm*_

 

 

**_Beverly Marsh >>> Stanley Uris_ **

**Bev** : What has my problematic son do to deserve such abuse stab

**Bev** : haha stab

**stanny <3**: I love it.

**_the gay table_ **

_*Stanley Uris has changed his nickname to Stab*_

**beaverly** : :)

**Stab** : :)

**dickard** : anyways,,,,,, ive never met a stan uris

**Stab** : Finally?

**dickard** : if I were speaking to you Stanley I would tell you THAT WAS RUDE

**dickard** : but im not talking to you

**dickard** : so ill say nothing

**mike n ike** : not sure that’s how it works rich

**Stab** : I wish it did. Richie? Saying nothing?

**kasperbrak** : too unrealistic. im sueing.

**dickard** : suing*

**dickard** : also, stan the man, I have a theory.

**Stab** : Did you…. just… correct Eddie’s spelling? What is the world coming to?

**beaverly** : I feel like a proud mom

**benjamin button:** whats your theory rich????

**dickard** : I think stan is so mean to me because he’s secretly in love with me and he’s trying to cover it up

**benjamin button:**!!!!!

**mike n ike** : RICHIE

**kasperbrak** : gjhsfkjhfsakjafbakjmbkbteb

**beaverly** : richie: u love me

**beaverly** : stan: *sweats*  no

**Stab** : no

**kasperbrak** : i. am. screaming.

**mike n ike** : you didn’t use a capital stanley

**mike n ike** : denial denied. 

**Stab** : No*

**benjamin button** : too late

 

**_tozier luv club_ **

_*bevvy added Stanley Uris to the club*_

* _bevvy changed Stanley Uris’ nickname to stan the man*_

**eds** : welcome to hell uris

**stan the man:** I refuse to be a part of this.

* _stan the man has left the group chat*_

_*bevvy added stan the man to the chat*_

**haystack** : you can’t run from it

**haystack** : it’s a part of you now

**bevvy** : tozier luv club is for life

**bevvy** : even when you figure out you’d rather lick a clit then suck a dick

**bevvy** : its still tozier luv club

**stan the man** : I am not a member of this.

**eds** : stan

**stan the man** : Eddie.

**eds** : stanley

**stan the man** : Edward.

**eds** : if there was way out of this

**eds** : don’t you think id have found it by now

**stan the man** : …..

**stan the man** : If I must do this, I’m at least going to do it right.

_*Stanley Uris has changed his nickname to Stan the Man*_

**bevvy** : :)  

**the gay table**

**bill a bong** : jesus fucknig christ u guys

**bill a bong** : u take one (1) depression nap n u miss the coming of canon stichie.

**dickard** : stichie ? :(

**Stab** : That is disgusting, and I refuse to have anything to do with that

**dickard** : ^^^ 0/10 ship name

**beaverly** : I gotta go wit stichie on this 1

**beaverly** : stichie is gross

**Stab** : Then don’t call us that?

**dickard** : ^^^

**beaverly** : I’m sorry stichie but ship name is now required i don’t make the rules

**dickard** : there’s gotta be a better 1

**dickard** : richan

**kasperbrak** : no

**dickard** : richley

**mike n ike:** hmmmm

**beaverly** : no

**Stab** : No ship name!

**dickard** : shut up stan

**dickard** : what about,,,, tozris?? tozuris?

**bill a bong** : no?????????? it makes me tonsillitis

**kasperbrak** : petition to make stan and richies ship name tonsillitis

**Stab** : Shut up Eddie???

**benjamin button** : stozier

**kasperbrak** : ….

**bill a bong** : ,,,,,

**dickard** : !!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! STOZIER

**beaverly** : STOZIER.

**Stab** : Ugh.

**Stab** : … Acceptable.

**dickard** : 8D

**mike n ike** : that looks so much like you its making me uneasy

**dickard** : D8


	2. intervention squad 2k18

**the gay table (8:42pm)**

**kasperbrak:** ive been listening to the same jessica simpson song on repeat for like 24hrs

**dickard:** that’s gay eds <3

**kasperbrak** : yes???

**bill a bong:** eddies gay? holy shit!!!

**bill a bong:** I had no fucking idea

**bill a bong:** why didn’t anybody tell me

**kasperbrak** : :/

**beaverly** : I love eddies gay ass

**dickard** : oh me too ;)))))))

**kasperbrak** : SHUT THE FUCK UP TRASHMOUTH

* _Mike Hanlon changed the nickname of Richie Tozier to trashymouther*_

**trashymouther:** balance has been restored to the force

**Stab:** I missed it.

**trashymouther:** ur the one who changed it

**Stab:** Be that as it may, “trashymouther” is iconic.

**trashymouther:** its good to be back bitches

**beaverly:** its good to have u back bitch

**the gay table (12:41pm)**

**benjamin button:** just asking for a show of hands here.

**benjamin button:** how many of u guys first crush was bill

**bill a bong** : what

**Stab** : *raises hand*

**bill a bong:** WGHAT STNA

**trashymouther** : *punches hand into the air like judd nelson in the end of the breakfast club*

**kasperbrak** : *shoots hand into the air so fast it hits the kid sitting next to me*

**bill a bong:** WHAT IS THIS

**beaverly** : *raises both hands up like a song in the club demanded it*

**mike n ike:** considering bill was like the first person I ever knew that wasn’t my parents

**mike n ike:** *raises hand*

**bill a bong** : i cant fucking handle this

**benjamin button** : wow it really is all of you

**trashymouther** : i told u haystack

**tozier luv club**

**eds:** u and rich are talking about crushes eh ;) ;) ;)

**haystack** : shut

**haystack:** for real thou do you guys evolve like pokemon

**bevvy** : ???

**haystack** : you all crushed on bill now you all wanna make out with richie

**eds** : ahjkgshagdkjgdhsjkgba

**bevvy** : BEN

**Stan the Man** : I can’t believe we all just got dragged by Ben

**haystack** : NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**haystack** : I WASN’T DRAGGING YOU GUYS

**haystack** : I NEVER DRAG ANYBODY

**eds** : soft ben is secretly a savage

**haystack** : noooooooooooooooo :((((((

**bevvy** : stop making my #2 boy sad u fuckers

**eds** : WHAT THE FUCK BEVERLY

**eds** : I THOUGHT WE HAD A CONNECTION

**bevvy** : eddie kaspbrak ur literally the gayest boy to ever live

**eds** : and ur a raging richie tozier excluding lesbian???????????? whatsur point?????????

**Stan the Man** : And Ben Hanscom excluding as well, it would appear.

**bevvy** : omg

**eds** : shut!!!!

**haystack** : 12 year old me is so happy right now

**the gay table (2:14pm)**

**trashymouther** : so

**kasperbrak** : oh no

**trashymouther** : I cant make it tonight :^(

**mike n ike** : why does it have a nose

**benjamin button** : why not rich ??

**beaverly** : he got detention obvi

**Stab** : It was crap, and you didn’t deserve that Richie. Barton is a dick.

**bill a bong** : ^^^^

**kasperbrak** : wow stenbrough coming in defence of richie what happened

**benjamin button** : stenbrough how cute

**trashymouther** : I wanna be in it

**trashymouther** : we’re talking about me!!

**kasperbrak** : stenbroughizer

**trashymouther** : thanks eds <3 ur my fave!!

**tozier luv club**

**eds** : HA bitches

**eds** : ben u can have bev

**bevvy** : fuck off

**the gay table**

**Stab:** thought I was your favourite, Richie :(

**trashymouther** : gsrjhtselkgsjhfalldbangdngjkt5hdgn

**trashymouther** : S T A N LEUY

**bill a bong** : STICHIE

**mike n ike** : I thought we agreed it was stozier

**trashymouther** : we did

**Stab** : We did.

**bill a bong** : wow theyre pratically married

**Stab** : Practically*

**trashymouther** : practically*

**beaverly** : uhm wtf

**kasperbrak** : hey richie! weren’t you telling a fucking story or some bullshit

**trashymouther** : uh no not really

**kasperbrak** : WHAT HAPPENEING WITH BARTON FFS

**Stab** : Aggressive

**kasperbrak** : I will gut you

**trashymouther** : my boys.

**trashymouther** : my wonderful lads pls no fighting

**trashymouther** : unless ur fighting over me ;)

**tozier luv club**

**haystack** : ho boy

**bevvy** : jfc

**Stan the Man** : I’m going to fucking kill myself

**eds** : stan :(

**eds** : no :(

**the gay table**

**kasperbrak** : it’s fine that stan is ur fave richie

**kasperbrak** : i love everybody else more than u

**trashymouther** : what 

**kasperbrak** : especially bill

**bill a bong** : leave me the mother fuck out of this eddie

**kasperbrak** : bill :(

_*Richie Tozier left the group chat*_

**kasperbrak** : fuck

**benjamin button** : eddie :(

**Stab** : You’re an idiot

**beaverly** : ur a fkn idiot

**mike n ike:** what is going on

**intervention squad 2k18**

_*Bill Denbrough added Michael Hanlon, Beverly Marsh, Stanley Uris and Ben Hanscom to the chat*_

**Bill:** we are gathered here today to discuss what the actual shit is going on with richie and eddie

**Beverly:** their not fucking

**Beverly** : they should be

**Beverly** : but there not

**Stanley** : You used two different forms of that word and they were both wrong.

**Beverly** : do I seem like somebody gives a shit

**Bill** : guys

**Bill** : reddie issues

**Stanley** : When isn’t there Reddie issues?

**Beverly** : oh man mood

**Beverly** : my stupid gay ass sons

**Michael** : I notice this chat is called intervention

**Michael** : do you have a plan william

**Ben** : william :)

**Beverly** : William!!!

**Stanley** : I doubt he has a plan but he might have scheme

**Beverly** : I fucking love schemes!!!!

**Ben** : we know bev :)

**Bill** : oh well I don’t exactly have 1 I was hoping yall would think of 1

**Michael** : yall

**Beverly** : yall

**Stanley** : Y’all*

**Ben** : you all*

**Bill** : omgdf

**Stanley** : ??

**Beverly** : oh my god damn fuck

**Bill** : u get me <333

**Stanley** : Ew, hets.

**Beverly** : EX FUCKING CUSE ME STANLEY URIS

**Michael** : this is a mess™

**Michael** : I thought we were fixing reddie

**Stanley** : Richie is probably sneaking in Eddie’s window to make out as we speak.

**Ben** : oh man I wish

**Bill** : wot m8

**Beverly** : askhkjhosbv,adbbhiutaebdbfk bEN


	3. *bo burnham voice* straaaaight whiiiiiiiiite maaaale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so feel free to follow me on my tumblr: @catsvalentines !!

**Richie Tozier >>> Eddie Kaspbrak**

**richie!:** is your ma able to take you to school this mronign

 **eds <3:** uh yeah if i want to spend the whole 15min ride listening to her lecture on my using shower shoes after gym class?? I guess? why?

 **eds <3:** r u skipping?

 **richie!:** no

 **richie!:** im honestly just rlly upset with you rn

 **eds <3**: wtf why  

 **richie!:** don’t give me that bullshit eddie

 **eds <3**: eddie???????????????????????????????????

 **eds <3**: rich :(

 **eds <3**: im sorry for whatever i did???

 **richie**!: ur not. u never are.

 **richie**!: u say that i always think without speaking but u think about it and still say shit bc u don’t care??

 **eds <3**: im sorry what

_*seen by Richie Tozier at 7:11am*_

**eds <3**: omfg

 **eds <3**: richie it was a fucking joke ffs.

 **richie!:** oh ya

 **richie!:** everybody is so much better than u, i merely keep you around for entertainment

 **richie!:** so fucking funny

 **eds** <3: whoa not what I said at all

 **richie**!: eddie that’s pretty much exactly what you said.

 **eds** <3: its not what I meant richie

 **richie**!: then what did u mean

 **eds** <3: i….

 **richie**!: you…….?

 **eds** <3: i was just upset im sorry i was so rude i didn’t mean to be

 **eds** <3: well i did i guess

 **eds** <3: i didn’t mean for it to be so cruel

 **richie**!: why were u upset

 **eds** <3: doesn’t matter

 **richie**!: were so good at communication :)

 **richie**!: it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside :)

 **eds** <3: are you still mad at me

 **richie**!: yes

 **eds** <3: … will you pick me up for school thou

 **richie**!: yes

 **richie**!: but i wont talk to u the entire way there

 **eds** <3: i doubt that but u can try richo

 **richie**!: add me back in the gc

 **eds** <3: no

**the gay table (7:22am)**

_*Eddie Kaspbrak added Richie Tozier to the chat*_

**bill a bong:** and all was once again right with the world

 **beaverly:** bill ur the biggest reddie trash

 **bill a bong:** ive been shipping that shit since i was 6yo hell yes i am

 **bill a bong** : they got married when we were 8 idont wanna see them get divorced after all these yrs

 **mike n ike:** wait did they rlly

 **benjamin button:** for real??????

 **beaverly:** IVE NEVER HEARD THIS WTF REDDIE

 **kasperbrak** : omg bill pls shut the fuck up

 **Stab** : I remember that day. Eddie made me pick the flowers because I had the “prettiest tastes”

 **benjamin button** : SOFT EDDIE

 **bill a bong** : and imagine it with tiny little eight year old eddie whos mom still dressed him

 **trashymouther** : eddies mom still dresses him

 **Stab** : “but she undresses me every night ;) ;) ;)”

 **trashymouther** : but she undresses me every night ;) ;) ;)

 **trashymouther** : hey :(

 **beaverly** : haha eddie that’s your husband

 **kasperbrak** : I WAS EIGHT YEARS OL.D

 **kasperbrak** : its not binding in any court of law

 **beaverly** : ok fine

 **beaverly** : haha eddie that’s your future husband

 **kasperbrak** : fuck u marsh

_*Beverly Marsh changed the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to future mr tozier*_

**future mr tozier** : literally no fucking way in hell

 **trashymouther** : hes right

_*Richie Tozier changed the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to kasperbrak*_

**kasperbrak** : oh

 **beaverly** : oh :/

_*Richie Tozier changed his nickname to future mr kaspbrak*_

**bill a bong** : ohh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **future mr kaspbrak** : kaspbrak and those bambi brown eyes are what eddie has left of his dad. i want our children to have them both 2

 **beaverly** : gfjhfgkjbnkjbnbduatenbdmbnkjgdbn

 **Stab** : …………..

 **benjamin button** : OH MNY  GOD

**tozier luv club**

**eds:** i am literally crying

 **eds:** *a selfie of eddie crying*

 **bevvy:** edide!!!!!!!!!

 **Stan the Man** : edide

 **haystack** : edide

 **eds** : edide

 **bevvy** : fuck u all

**the gay table**

_*Eddie Kaspbrak changed his nickname to edide*_

**bill a bong:** quality content all around

**the gay table (10:42pm)**

**mike n ike:** i need to stop talking a nap after my morning rounds i miss everything

 **mike n ike:** tell me more about richie and eddies wedding

 **bill a bong** : it was the most beautiful day of my little life

 **future mr kaspbrak** : the most beautiful day of my little life was when you were gloating about kicking georgies ass in Mario kart and he whacked u in the face wit the wii remote

 **edide** : THAT WQAS ICONIC

 **edide** : georgies a motherfucking savage

 **bill a bong** : that was rude richie i was just trying to bask in ur and eddies gay glory

 **future mr kaspbrak** : im not gay

 **bill a bong** : THAT’S A MOTHER FUCKING LIE

 **future mr kaspbrak** : bitch i didn’t say i was st8

 **future mr kaspbrak** : ill leave that het bullshit to you billy boy

 **future mr kaspbrak** : i merely said i wasn’t gay

 **bill a bong:** not straight = gay?

 **edide:** no?

 **edide** : literally no

 **Stab** : Could you please shut up? I don’t want my phone blowing up all class. What is so important?

 **future mr kaspbrak** : bill thinks that me not being straight means i’m gay

 **Stab** : No, William.

 **Stab** : Edward is gay. I am gay. Richard is not.

 **beaverly** : are we doing roll call???

 **beaverly** : i gay

 **bill a bong** : i thought you were a lesbian

 **beaverly** : yeah gay

 **bill a bong** : lesbian = gay?

 **edide** : no

 **future mr kaspbrak** : no

 **beaverly** : i just prefer gay

 **bill a bong** : I’M SO CONFUSED

 **future mr kaspbrak** : *bo burnam voice* straaaaaight whittttteee male

 **Stab** : ha

 **edide** : LMAO

 **beaverly** : ffs

 **bill a bong** : hey :(

 **benjamin button** : Please Stop.

**the gay table (1:41pm)**

**benjamin button** : i cant believe bill called richie gay lmao

 **bill a bong** : u know what fuck u guys

 **trashymouther** : i wasn’t offended billy boy, i was mostly just joking.

 **bill a bong** : pls tell me how come ur not gay.

 **trashymouther** : im bisexual i like boys and girls

 **beaverly** : boys and boobs*

 **trashymouther** : everybody likes boobs even homosexuals

 **Stab** : fact

 **edide** : fact

 **mike n ike:** im going to have to respectfully deny this fact of loving sacks of fat above the rib cage.

 **trashymouther** : blocked

 **edide** : unfriended

 **beaverly** : reported

 **bill a bong** : so wait all i know is everybody in the world loves boobs except mike

 **trashymouther** : yeh hes an ass guy

 **mike n ike** : HE IS NOT

 **trashymouther** : oh rite that’s me

 **Stab** : “especially eddies ass ;))))”

 **trashymouther** : especially eddies ass ;))))

 **trashymouther** : FUCKING STOP THAT.

 **Stab** : “i love when he does that”

 **bill a bong** : i love when he does that

 **bill a bong** : hey

 **Stab** : “god i hope this doesn’t become a thing”

 **benjamin button** : god i hope this doesn’t become a thing

 **benjamin button** : STANLEY

 **Stab** : “how is he doing that!??!?!”

 **mike n ike:** how is he doing that!??!?

 **Stab** : It’s really simple, actually. You’re all just extremely predictable.

 **trashymouther** : i like to think its because stan secretly loves us all and pays a lot of attention to the things we do

 **Stab** : It’s not a secret that I love everybody except you, Richard.

**tozier luv club**

**bevvy** : you little bitch

 **Stan the Man** : :)

**the gay table (2:02pm)**

**trashymouther:** ur the light of my life stan the man

 **Stab** : choke

 **edide** : HOLD. ON.

 **edide** : HOW COME WHEN STANLEY SAYS HE LOVES EVERYBODY MORE THAN YOU HE JUST “ur the light of my life stan the man” BUT WHEN I DO IT I GET THE SILENT TREATMENT FOR A WHOLE NIGHT AND ALMOST A RIDE TO SCHOOL WITH MY M O T H E R

 **trashymouther** : 8|

 **beaverly** : don’t call him out like this edward

 **mike n ike** : its bc when stan says terrible things like that richie knows they’re jokes but eddie ur a chaotic gay asshole who probably means the nasty things they say it hurts more

 **trashymouther** : i need both my eds and my main man stan but ik stan loves me and sometimes with eddie its questionable

trashymouther: the lil gay- i mean guy- always nos how to hit me right where did hurts

**tozier luv club**

**eds:** :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

 **bevvy** : oh dear

 **haystack** : poor eddie

 **Stan the Man** : He’s brought it on himself

 **eds** : fuck u

**the gay table (2:17pm)**

**edide:** i love tf outta u richie

_*Bill Denbrough took a screenshot!*_

_*Ben Hanscom took a screenshot!*_

_*Richie Tozier took a screenshot!*_

_*Beverly Marsh took a screenshot!*_

_*Stanley Uris took a screenshot!*_

_*Mike Hanlon took a screenshot!*_

**edide:** FYCK YOU ALL.

 **trashymouther** : especially stan ;)

 **edide** : exactly

 **Stab** : Never going to happen

_*Beverly Marsh renamed the chat ship streddie u cowards*_

**edide:** :/

 **Stab:** why

 **mike n ike** : sfgjksfkladfjadlabb WHAT

 **trashymouther** : what the fuck is a streddie

 **trashymouther** : is that a kind of cereal?


	4. The 90s Didn't End Until 2007

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for suicide mention

**ship streddie u cowards (2:51am)**

_Richie Tozier renamed the chat to the gay table_

**trashymouther:** i do not kno what a streddie is and i refuse to be in a gc named after it

**beaverly:** richie…

**trashymouther:**???

**beaverly:** it’s a ship name for you stan and eddie

**beaverly:** st/r/eddie

**trashymouther:** huh.

_Richie Tozier renamed the group chat to SHIP STREDDIE U COWARDS_

**trashymouther:** carry on

**Stab:** I want to kill myself.

**trashymouther:** if you ever did that i also would have to

**trashymouther:** ritutal suicide in a complete romeo and juliet style

**beaverly:** poor eddie loosing both his boyfriends in one swoop

**Stab:** I am not dating Eddie, nor I am dating Richie. Nor do I wish to ever date either of them. Thanks.

**trashymouther:** SHIP STREDDIE YOU COWARD.

**SHIP STREDDIE U COWARDS (1:11pm)**

**bill a bong:** BEn

**bill a bong:** ur breakfast making skills is v welcome but 4 gods sake play smthin from this decade

**benjamin button** : why? nothing from this decade is any good

**trashymouther:** mother fucking fact.

**bill a bong:** come on the 90s are over let’s move on

**benjamin button:** the 90s will never be over????????

**trashymouther:** fact, the 90s didn’t end until 2007

**edide:** fact

**beaverly:** hella fucking fact

**edide** : and after that everything fell to shit and i got depression so

**trashymouth** : my man eds bringing out the moods in this chilli’s tonight

**edide** : don’t call me that

**bill a bong:** what his man or eds

**edide** : both

**edide** : neither

**edide** : i don’t know how to answer that question in decent english

**bill a bong:** whatever the 90s blew chunks and all the music was shit

**trashymouther:** okay billiam while i value ur opinion greatly pls consider

_Richie Tozier changed his nickname to richie smalls_

**edide:** oh fuck yes

edide: my witty sagittarius 90s loving gay ass had been waiting for this moment 

_Eddie Kaspbrak changed his nickname to ed*sync_

**beaverly:** ooo me too

_Beverly Marsh changed her nickname to bev II men_

**bill a bong:** this is getting ridiclouis

_Mike Hanlon changed his nickname to mikebox 20_

**mikebox 20:** one of us bill

**bill a bong:** literally fucking never

**bill a bong:** i cannot be the only sane man in this chat

**bill a bong:** where is MY MAIN MAN STAN

_Stanley Uris changed his nickname to Gwen Stanfani_

**Gwen Stanfani:** I’m right here.

**bev II men:** ahflkhdfalkdhbjkabd S TA N Yes

**richie smalls:** yes

**ed*sync:** ONE OF US ONE OF US

**mikebox 20:** come on billy boy

**mikebox 20:** one of us!!!

**bill a bong:** u know ben is being oddly quiet

**bill a bong:** ud think this would be his moment of shining glory

**benjamin button:** i was cooking!! im sorry hold on

_Ben Hanscom changed his nickname to boys II ben_

**bev II men:** afjhgkdfhaadfkjnbdaeh BEEN

**ed*sync:** been

**richie smalls:** been

**bev II men:** shut up reddie

**richie smalls:** reddie <33333

**ed*sync:** shut up richie

**richie smalls:** D^8

**boys II ben:** akjgkjdS im sorry bev!! i can change it

**bev II men:** no it works better with ur name

_Ben Hanscom changed his nickname to its raining ben_

**bev II men:** THAT IS SO MUCH BETTER WTF

**ed*sync:** u kno benny

**ed*sync** : im getting the feeling that we should date ;)

**its raining ben** : :) :) :)

**ed*sync:** :) :) :)

**richie smalls:** hey u know i sometimes get the feeling i can do crystal meth but then i think hmmm better not!!!!!

**Gwen Stanfani:** As if you wouldn’t do crystal meth at least once, if you could get your grubby hands on it.

**richie smalls:** i wouldn’t

**richie smalls:** eds wouldn’t like it

**ed*sync:** stop basing life decisions around me

**richie smalls:** but u r my life spaghetti

**bev II men:** gay

**mikebox 20:** gay

**its raining ben:** gay !

**Gwen Stanfani:** gay

**bill a bong:** gay

**richie smalls:** BILL

**richie smalls:** ONE OF US BILLIAM

**bill a bong** : ffs fine

_Bill Denbrough changed his nickname to billstie boys_

**mikebox 20:** good shit

**SHIP STREDDIE U COWARDS (12:11am)**

**richie smalls:** my lips are all dry and chapped and ouchy

**ed*sync:** drink water

**Gwen Stanfani:** Drink water?

**it’s raining ben:** drink w a t e r !!!

**richie smalls:** yall no well that i have not had a drop of water that wasn’t accidentally swallowed while swimming in 7yrs

**richie smalls:** i am more committed to not drinking water than ive been in any of previous romantic relationships

**beaverly:** ouch

**richie smalls:** sorry ex girlfriend bev

**bev II men:** its okay ex boyfriend rich.

**bev II men:** ik its true honestly how are you even alive

**Gwen Stanfani:** I’ve asked myself that everyday since I day I met Richie Tozier

**its raining ben:** do u remember the time he tried to see how long he could go without sleeping and ended up passing out in the middle of class after three days

**bev II men:** 0mfg he whacked his face off Barton’s desk there was literally so much blood i thought he was dead

**richie smalls:** barton has hated my fucking guts since honestly

**Gwen Stanfani:** Do any of you remember when he sitting on the railing outside the library, and simply fell? It was easily a nine foot drop and he didn’t even break a bone.

**richie smalls:** proof im immortal

**richie smalls:** haven’t fucking died yet 8-)

**bev II men:** i have the one that takes the fucking cake thou

**bev II men:** do u remember when he got hit by the truck outside of school

**ed*sync:** uhm yes i was right beside him and i was traumatized

**ed*sync:** but RICHARD just fucking yeets himself up screams “i don’t fucking have time for this! i’m going to be late for chem!” and does a mother fucking mad dash into the school?

**Gwen Stanfani:** I experienced this all from the safety of the front steps and I can confirm it was iconic.

**richie smalls:** never gonna die 8-D

**its raining ben:** i thought u died once

**richie smalls:**???

**its raining ben:** do u remember that time over the summer when u drank that entire bottle of vodka to urself screamed see u in hell fuckers and then threw urself off the cliff at the quarry

**richie smalls:** ….

**its raining ben:** i honestly thought u were dead

**richie smalls:** well i mean

**richie smalls:** in my defense

**richie smalls:** i was actively trying to kill myself at the time so whelp

**its raining ben:** what

**bev II men:** what now

**Gwen Stanfani:** Richie, what?

**ed*sync:** P A R D O N

**richie smalls:** 8D

**SHIP STREDDIE U COWARDS (4:31am)**

**mikebox 20:** what the fuck

**SHIP STREDDIE U COWARDS (7:04am)**

**billstie boys:** WHAT THE F U C K

**billstie boys: *** RICHARD *****


	5. The Ultimate Beep Beep

**Stanley Uris >>> Richie Tozier**

**manly stanley <3: **Richard, don’t you dare think that ignoring the group chat means people aren’t going to keep asking

_Seen by Richie Tozier at 8:41 am_

**manly stanley:** Richie, please.

**Ultimate Annoyance:** i don’t want to talk about it

**manly stanley:** Yeah, I figured as much. I just… want to make sure you’re okay.

**Ultimate Annoyance:** it was a long time ago

**manly Stanley:** Four months

**Ultimate Annoyance:** exactly 8-)

**SHIP STREDDIE U COWARDS (9:07am)**

**richie smalls:** I have 3 buzzfeed unsolved videos in my watch later on yt and i just haven’t decided when i want to watch them

**bev II men:** were just ignoring this then

**Gwen Stanfani:** This is Richie we’re talking about

**billstie boys:** ofc were ignoring it

**ed*sync:** :(

**mikebox20:** how do you NOT watch buzzfeed unsolved as soon as it comes out

**richie smalls:** in my defense theyre all supernatural ones

**bev II men:** UHNM WHAT

**bev II men:** THOSES ARE THE BEST ONES

**richie smalls:** i only fucc with buzzfeed true crime

**bev II men:** blocked unfriended reported

**its raining ben:** u know i gotta side with rich on this one true crime is where its at

**Gwen Stanfani:** This is a fact.

**bev II men:** this group chat is full of FAKES

**ed*sync:** HOW are we even comparing???

**ed*sync:** buzzfeed unsolved supernatural is iconic and beautiful is everyway true crime is a desperate attempt to appeal to the non believer for views

**richie smalls:** im breaking up with you

**ed*sync:** we were never dating

**richie smalls:** oh i guess that was just in my dreams then

**ed*sync:**????????????

**richie smalls:** :) :)

**mikebox 20:** youre both extra and stupid as hell

**Gwen Stanfani:** That’s a mood.

**SHIP STREDDIE U COWARDS (10:21am)**

**richie smalls:** i think my sister might currently be dying her eyebrows blue but am i going to to get up and check?

**richie smalls:** no sir i am not

**richie smalls:** because if i know for a fact that it happening i must stop it

**richie smalls:** and i cannot be fucking bothered

**richie smalls:** therefore i pretend it is not happening

**billstie boys:** so ur just going to let ur 13 year old sister dye her eyebrows blue

**richie smalls:** everybody does shit they reject when theyre 13 william

**ed*sync:** hey will maybe if becks dyes her eyebrows blue then Georgie wont have a crush on her anymore

**Gwen Stanfani:** Unlikely. More likely is that Georgie will also want to dye his eyebrows blue.

**billstie boys:** shit u right

**billsite boys:** richie stop her!!

**richie smalls:** the damage has been done

**SHIP STREDDIE U COWARDS (** 1:21am)

**richie smalls:** i am not a functioning human being did you know that

**richie smalls:** do you know what an americano is

**richie smalls:** tis expresso and hot water

**richie smalls:** trash drink 4 white men

**richie smalls:** i have been sitting in the most uncomfot position bc my phone was charging and i looked up and that bitch was at 100% like fuck u

**richie smalls:** i am really not feeling the love in this chillis tonight

**richie smalls:** if u think im going to stop messaging this chat even though i’m being ignored lmao Jokes On You Youre Going To Have To Remove My Annoying Ass

**richie smalls:** tbh honestly i think everybody except ben has this group on mute 24/7 honestly tbh

**mikebox 20:** i don’t have it on mute

_Michael Hanlon removed Richie Tozier from the group_

**Richie Tozier >>> Michael Hanlon**

**Richie:** NO

**Richie:** I’M SORRY

**Richie:** I’ll SHUT UP

_Seen by Michael Hanlon at 2:22 am_

**SHIP  STREDDIE U COWARDS (6:41am)**

**Gwen Stanfani:** Mike!!!!

**SHIP STREDDIE U COWARDS (7:04am)**

**bev II men:** MIKE

**ed*sync:** THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND

**ed*sync:** MICHAEL HANLON

**billstie boys:** ahadkjhsfkljfadhhaf mikes a fucking savage

_Beverly Marsh renamed the chat The Ultimate Beep Beep_

**Gwen Stanfani:** He 100% cried himself to sleep because of this, I think we all ought to know.

**ed*sync:** oh

**bev II men:** :///

_Ben Hanscom added Richie Tozier to the chat_

**its raining ben:** its not right without u

**richie smalls:** I AM SOFT AND FRAGILE YOU NEED TO BE MORE DE;LICATE WITH ME

**The Ultimate Beep Beep (11:22 am)**

**richie smalls:** i listened to cell block tango for six hours yesterday

**richie smalls:** my father asked me to stop

**richie smalls:** so i played it again

**richie smalls:** because he had it coming

**Gwen Stanfani:** You know what, Richard. You’re actually really funny when your jokes aren’t disgusting.

**richie smalls:** im???/ a soft ass bitch

**richie smalls:** i love u bitch

**Gwen Stanfani:** I love you, too.

_Bill Denbrough took a screenshot!_

_Beverly Marsh took a screenshot!_

_Eddie Kaspbrak took a screenshot!_

**richie smalls:** im having heart palpations

**bev II men:** stozier <3

**The Ultimate Beep Beep (3:44pm)**

**its raining ben** : the ultimate combination of iconic women combinations

**its raining ben** : cell block tango, its raining men, lady marmalade and bang bang

**bev II men:** tag urself im cell block tango

**its raining ben:** im its raining men

**ed*sync:** IM ITS RAINING MEN BENJAMIN GO CHOKE ON A STICK

**its raining ben:** does anybody else remember when eddie used to be soft?

**Gwen Stanfani:** Eddie is only soft for the first week you know him. It’s an elaborate rouse to mislead you into being his friend.

**ed*sync:** stan wtf

**billstie boys:** i have been best friends with eddie since i was three years old and i can confirm this is true

**ed*sync:** BILL WTF

**richie smalls:** personally i don’t think eddie has ever been soft with me hes been savage towards me since the day we met

**bev II men:** that’s a mcfucking lie??

**richie smalls:** the literal first thing eddie ever said to me was this is why nobody likes you

**billstie boys:** i can confirm this fact as well

**ed*sync:** YOU PUSHED ME INTO A MUD PUDDLE

**richie smalls:** WELL IM SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WEIGHED SEVEN POUNDS I WASN’T AWARE THAT TAPPING YOU ON THE SHOULDER WOULD SEND YOU FUCKING FLYING

**mikebox 20:** what i find interesting is that even after all these years eddie still only has one insult to throw at richie

**bev II men:** ahbgjkdahfjkfdhbjkbdadg

**ed*sync:** shut

**The Ultimate Beep Beep (4:53pm)**

**billstie boys:** _{imageofpizzabunssittingonablanket.jpg]_

**billstie boys:** god did the grocery shopping this week


	6. this has nothing to do with the boston tea party

**The Ultimate Beep Beep (10:33am)**

**ed*sync:** what happened in apush and why i am being blamed for it when i wasn’t even there

**richie smalls:** i believe the apush squad has agreed not to tell you bc youre the ones who chose not to take it this semester

**ed*sync:** what the fuck richard

**Gwen Stanfani:** Honestly, I feel bad for Eddie, because it was- dare I say- iconic.

**bev II men:** STAN THE MAN GOT DETENTION FOR INAPPROPIATE LANGUAGE

**billstie boys:** W H A T

**billstie boys:** NOW I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

**Gwen Stanfani:** Should have taken APUSH this semester.

**richie smalls:** should have taken apush this semester

**ed*sync:** i hate when they do that!

**billstie boys:** I love when they do that

**mikebox 20:** i want to know what happened in apush and i only don’t know bc im homeschooled am i going to be punished too

**richie smalls:** damn

**richie smalls:** ok. ill be me stan will be stan

**richie smalls:** ben be mr barton bev be Patrick

**billstie boys:** i like this story already

**its raining ben:** ok i will also narrate that this story begins with jen l talking about how cute eddie is and that she hopes that he asks her to the fall dance

**ed*sync:** uhm

**its raining ben:** then richie- always the best at controlling his insane jealousy- says

**richie smalls:** im sure eds appreciates your decent eye sight but you’ve got the wrong genitals

**its raining ben:** then greta whispers very terribly “wait is eddie gay?”

**ed*sync:** kjghsgkjghkadghgfkja what

**billstie boys:** HWO DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW

**its raining ben:** ^^^ relevant william because then patrick screams to the class

**bev II men:** are you kidding me greta you blind bimbo? kaspbrak is so gay he came out of his mother waving a pride flag. hes a fucking stereotype.

**its raining ben:** language mr hockstetter!

**ed*sync:** hafgdhjkhgkakhdaffgfkjgfkhgf OMG

**mikebox 20:** omg

**its raining ben:** then our resident Eddie Kaspbrak Stan™ flies in

**richie smalls:** youd know all about being a stereotype wouldn’t you mr glass closet

**bev II men:** what? im not gay, trashmouth, shut up

**richie smalls:** oh? so that wasn’t henry bowers’ chod slipping between ur nasty meat fingers behind the portable after sixth period on Wednesday

**ed*sync:** what

**billstie boys:** R I C H I E

**its rainging ben:** and its dead silent for a while before barton is all

**its raining ben:** detention tozier that language is not acceptable in the classroom

**richie smalls:** but sir im just regurgitating information ive learned isn’t that the whole point of school

**its raining ben:** do you want to make a weeks worth of detention mr tozier

**its raining ben:** and then…. the man…. the myth… the legend

**Gwen Stanfani:** Why would you give him a weeks worth of detention? He’s right.

**mikebox 20:** S T A N

**billstie boys:** im fucking gryind

**its raining ben:** Mr Uris!

**Gwen Stanfani:** No, the main point of school is trilling thoughts into our heads, and seeing how well we follow instructions. Its fucking bullshit.

**ed*sync:** im CRYING IN THE LCUB

**its raining ben:** detention Mr Uris

**Gwen Stanfani:** Better give me a full week, too, if that’s what Richie is getting.

**mikebox 20:** i can’t even fucking function right now

**bev II men:** what the fuck are you two f*ggots fucking

**Gwen Stanfani:** Maybe we are. At least I’d have good taste in men, unlike you.

**bev II men:** I DON’T LIKE MEN

**richie smalls:**  I SAW YOU

**its raining ben:** everybody shut up this has nothing to do with the Boston Tea Party

**richie smalls:** aaaaaand end scene

**ed*sync:** i need a fucking nap.

 

 

**The Ultimate Beep Beep (7:22pm)**

**billstie boys:** basically before work i only had enough time to jerk off or make something to eat and long story short i’m fucking starving

**ed*sync:**??????????????????????

**Gwen Stanfani:** What an incredibly Richard thing to say, William.

**billstie boys:** fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck THAT WAS NOT MEANT FOR THIS CHAT HOLY SHIT I AM SO SORRY

**richie smalls:** B ILL Y

**billstie boys:** YOUR CONTACT NAME IN MY PHONE IS BEEP BEEP ITS AN HONEST MISTAKE

**its raining ben:** why were you sending that to richie?

**Gwen Stanfani:** Whom else would he send it to?

**richie smalls:** who else would he send it to?

**ed*sync:** it might be worse when richie and stan say things at the same time and stan isn’t doing it to make richie mad

**bev II men:** because it implies that they think alike

**mikebox 20:** stozier

_Stanley Uris removed Beverly Marsh from the chat_

**Gwen Stanfani:** Goodbye traitor.

_Richie Tozier added Beverly Marsh to the group_

**Gwen Stanfani:** Richie :(

**richie smalls:** just so i could do this

_Richie Tozier removed Beverly Marsh from the group_

**richie smalls:** nobody asked u snake.

**mikebox 20:** ,,,,,

**mikebox 20:** stozier

**ed*sync:** SO are we just ignoring that bill sends richie extremely casual texts about his wanking habits

**billstie boys:** honestly EDWARD i don’t know why youre so shook. at least i talk to richie about wanking instead of thinking about him while i do it

**its raining ben:** ahsgfjklfdhakjldfhfdklfdhkjfhdafdkljdfha~!!!$!#%bnfhkj,and

**mikebox 20:** WE JUST WITNESSED A MURDER

**Gwen Stanfani:** Damn, Bill. Bev is going to be pissed that she missed this moment.

**richie smalls:** lhslhsglsghlksghks

**richie smalls:** RE PL AY @billy

**ed*sync:** NO

**billstie boys:** honestly EDWARD i don’t know why youre so shook. at least i talk to richie about wanking instead of thinking about him while i do it

**ed*sync:** fuck you william

_Eddie Kaspbrak removed Bill Denbrough from the group_

**its raining ben:** oh my god

**Gwen Stanfani:** Blasphemy Edward.

**richie smalls:** IVE NEVER FELT MORE ALIVE !!!!!!!!!

**Beverly Marsh >>> Richie Tozier**

**B E V V Y** : do not make me beg toaster

**R I C H I E** : gflhggsdhkgsd im sorry i forgot so much happened.

**The Ultimate Beep Beep (9:11pm)**

_Richie Tozier added Beverly Marsh and Bill Denbrough to the group_

**richie smalls:** everybody behave

**its raining ben:** how,,,,, rich

_Stanley Uris removed Ben Hanscom from the group_

**Gwen Stanfani:** He said behave.


	7. save a horse, ride richie

**The Ultimate Beep Beep (9:43pm)**

**richie smalls:** do u guys remember matt

 **mikebox 20:** your bev replacement?

 **bev II men:** :)

 **richie smalls:** shut?

 **ed*sync:** talk about a downgrade

 **bev II men:** :))))))

 **richie smalls:** u no what nvfm

 **billstie boys:** no continue rich

 **richie smalls:** bill is the only one who truly loves me

 **Gwen Stanfani:** Excuse me

 **mikebox 20:** i don’t like this

 **ed*sync:** im scared????????

 **Gwen Stanfani:** I got a week of detention for you, Richard!

 **richie smalls:** i never asked you to do that! but i did once ask if you had anything to drink. you dumped your entire water bottle on the ground while staring me dead in the eye. Then you said “no sorry”

 **bev II men:** hkjhadfhkhadffkjhafkjghjkaf stAN

_Stanley Uris changed Richie Tozier’s name to bitchie tozier_

**bitchie tozier:** srsly Stanley

 **Gwen Stanfani:** Did somebody say something?

 **bitchie tozier:** ur a literal 5yo!!!

 **Gwen Stanfani:** It’s got the distinct sound of a former best friend.

 **billstie boys:** i know ur being petty and extra rn but you actually just said that richie was your best friend

 **ed*sync:** hgskjshafklafshgskjhgga

 **Gwen Stanfani:** …..

 **Gwen Stanfani:** No.

 **ed*sync:** u kinda did

 **bev II men:** u definitely did

 **Gwen Stanfani:** No!

_Bill Denbrough changed Stanley Uris’ name to certified tozier trash_

**certified tozier trash:** I hate this place.

**The Ultimate Beep Beep (2:41am)**

**bitchie tozier:** do u think if i suck matt’s dick he’d give me weed for free?

 **its raining ben:** is that what you were going to ask earlier

 **bitchie tozier:** yes

 **its raining ben:** and ur asking now hours later

 **bitchie tozier:** yes

 **its raining ben:** so the better question would be

 **its raining ben:** did matt give you weed for free when you sucked his dick

 **bitchie tozier:** ….

 **bitchie tozier:** yes b

 **certified tozier trash:** Please shut up.

 **certified tozier trash:** Wait.

 **certified tozier trash:** Why is this still my name???

_Stanley Uris removed his nickname_

**bitchie tozier:** im offended.

 

**The Ultimate Beep Beep (10:21am)**

**bitchie tozier:** bev and ben keep talking about handcuffs and i think bev called him daddy

 **ed*sync:** pardon

 **billstie boys:** wtf ew?

 **bev II men:** no?

 **bev II men:** ben said in his mental health class they were saying that learned to use restraints like handcuffs and i impulse whispered cuff me daddy

 **ed*sync:** sghdkjdfhskjdgb EW “BEVELRY

 **mikebox 20:** ur both fucking digusting

 **certified tozier trash:** You’re both fucking disgusting?

 **it’s raining ben:** im innocent!

 **bitchie tozier:** sure thing benny boy

 **bitchie tozier:** you don’t need to hide your and bevs kinky private time from us

 **bev II men:** i love my daddy @ben

_Ben Hanscom is typing…_

**billstie boys:** he died

 **its raining ben:** ive only been handcuffed once

 **ed*sync:** opdghjiodfahknbv,nb adbguoetbndbdgnkTE

 **mikebox 20:** HOL Y

 **its raining ben:** it was for a demonstration!!!!

 **its raining ben:** oh dear lord

 **bev II men:** is that what you say when richie cuffs you ;)

 **its raining ben:** oh

 **its raining ben:** in that case ive been handcuffed more than once

_Beverly Marsh took a screenshot_

_Bill Denbrough took a screenshot_

_Stanley Uris took a screenshot_

**ed*sync:** HIOYL FUJCKUNJIG SHIT

 **bev II men:** wtf ikm screaming

 **bitchie tozier:** 8-D

 **its raining ben:** im never talking about handcuffs again

 **bitchie tozier:** come on bby don’t be like that

 **its raining ben:** beep beep richie

 **billstie boys:** ok how many of you fuckers have had sex with richie

 **mikebox 20:** honestly

 **Stanley:** Why are you two lumping us all together?

 **billstie boys:** “why are you two lumping us all together?” r u serious.

 **mikebox 20:** tozier luv club

 **bitchie tozier:** wot

 **ed*sync:** omg

 **bev II men:** omgggg

 **Stanley:** Fuck.

 **bitchie tozier:** uhm i don’t know whats happenin here but i haven’t had sex with anybody in this chat?

 **billstie boys:** we no that rich

 **mikebox 20:** its just not for a lacking of trying

 **bitchie tozier:** what the fuck are you talking about

_Beverly Marsh removed Bill Denbrough and Michael Hanlon from the chat_

**bev II men:** no fucking snakes in my garden

_Richie Tozier added Bill Denbrough and Michael Hanlon to the chat_

_Richie Tozier renamed the group save a horse, ride richie_

**bitchie tozier:** 8-D

 **Stanley:** I hate this place!!


	8. the tea on tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just for an update here, your comments give me literal life? I get so #pumped everytime I get the email notifaction that somebody commented on this fic! So thank you all so much!!
> 
> Also feel free to follow me on Tumblr ( @toziersrich ) where i talk about this fic like, a lot. Also, if there's anything you wanna see happening in this hot mess of a fic, hit me up here or on tumblr!! :^)

**save a horse, ride richie (10:54pm)**

_Richie Tozier changed the nickname for Stanley Uris to Staniel Uris_

_Richie Tozier changed the nickname for Bill Denbrough to b b b bill denbrough_

_Richie Tozier changed the nickname for Beverly Marsh to bevenly marsh_

_Richie Tozier changed the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to ed die clapback_

_Richie Tozier changed the nickname for Mike Hanlon to mikestand hanlon_

_Richie Tozier changed the nickname for Ben Hanscom to ben handsome_

**Staniel Uris:** I’m surprisingly okay with all of this. You even gave me proper capitalization.

 **bitchie tozier:** That’s because I respect you, Stanley.

 **Staniel Uris:** Well.

 **ed die clapback:** finally a richie nickname i don’t detest?

 **bevenly marsh:** IS BEVENLY LIKE HEAVENLY?

 **bitchie tozier:** duh

 **bevenly marsh:** i love you asswipe <3

 **bitchie tozier:** i love you too bitchface <3

 **b b b bill denbrough:** how come ben and bev get sweet nicknames like heavenly and handsome and i just get a mockery of my stutter

 **bitchie tozier:** because benverly are truly gods among us

 **b b b bill denbrough:** well maybe ben is

 **bevenly marsh:** i will remove your ass

 **b b b bill denbrough:** none of you fuckers have the balls to remove me

 **ed die clapback:** i literally removed you last week

 **bevenly:** same?

 **b b b bill denbrough:** [icantreadsuddenlyidontknow.gif]

_Mike Hanlon removed Bill Denbrough from the group_

**ed die clapback:** mike is truly the most savage of us all

 **mikestand hanlon:** says you, eddie. youre literally chaotic evil

 **bitchie tozier:** gayotic evil*

 **ed die clapback:** Shut Up Richie

 **Staniel Uris:** Again, I say;

 **Staniel Uris:** Blasphemy

_Stanley Uris added Bill Denbrough to the chat_

**bevenly marsh:** stan loves bill the most

 **b b b bill denbrough:** i am stan’s best friend

 **bitchie tozier:** wrong denbrough

 **bitchie tozier:** I am Stan’s best friend.

 **bitchie tozier:** he even admitted it

 **bevenly marsh:** that’s a fact

 **mikestand hanlon:** he did that

 **Staniel Uris:** No! Bill is my best friend.

 **ed die clapback:** wrong bill is MY best friend

 **mikestand hanlon:** im pretty sure bill is my best friend

 **b b b bill denbrough:** i have decided to settle this argument by asking Georgie who my best friend is

 **bevenly marsh:** yes ask president Georgie

 **mikestand hanlon:** i will accept whatever he says

 **ed die clapback:** nothing but respect for my president

 **b b b bill denbrough:** fuck

 **b b b bill denbrough:** he said its richie

 **bevenly marsh:** [Obamaitislaw.gif]

 **ed die clapback:** are you my best friend then stan

 **Staniel Uris:** No, I am best friends with Mike then

 **mikestand hanlon:** :)

 **ed die clapback:** wtf then whos my best friend

 **bevenly marsh:** ill be your best friend eddie!!!!

 **ed die clapback:** ben is your best friend

 **bevenly marsh:** [yougotmethere.jpg]

 **ed die clapback:** why do we have to be a group of seven its two two two and one !

 **bitchie tozier:** you can be my best friend eds fuck billy

 **ed die clapback:** i don’t want to be your best friend!

 **bitchie tozier:** whelp

 **bitchie tozier:** guess ill die then

 **mikestand hanlon:** savage

 **bevenly marsh:** gayotic evil

 **b b b bill denbrough:** i cant believe that richie best friend dumped me and eddie still rejected him

 **ed die clapback:** i never rejected him

 **bitchie tozier:** it was thirty seconds ago

 **ed die clapback:** that wasn’t me

 **bitchie tozier:**??????????

 **bevenly marsh:** i have a proposal. i will best friend dump ben and be best friends with richie and then eddie can be best friends with bill

 **mikestand hanlon:** but that leaves the softest and purest of us best friend-less

 **Staniel Uris:** Do not best friend dump me for Ben!

 **mikestand hanlon:** yikes okay

 **ed die clapback:** id best friends with ben!!!

 **bevenly marsh:** done

 **b b b bill denbrough** : wait now i don’t have a best friend

 **Staniel Uris:** Don’t you think as our long time leader, you should be willing to make that sacrifice?

 **b b b bill denbrough:** wtf no

 **b b b bill denbrough:** how did i go from everybody fighting over being my best friend to not having one at all

 **bitchie tozier:** WTF

 **bitchie tozier:** my sister just threw her shoe at me and screamed “that’s for breaking up with bill!!!”

 **bevenly marsh:** georgie denbrough and rebecca tozier are couple goals

_Bill Denbrough is typing…_

_Richie Tozier is typing…_

**bitchie tozier:** SHUT UP

 **b b b bill denbrough:** SHUT UP

 **bevenly marsh:** wow fucking antis

**Eddie Kaspbrak >>> Ben Hanscom**

**Eddie:** I’m your best friend now bev best friend broke up with you for richie

 **Ben:** I always knew this day would come

**save a horse, ride richie (12:17pm)**

**ben handsome:** I SPILT MY TEA AND NOW MY WHOLE ROOM SMELLS LIKE A FALL FAIR

 **b b b bill denbrough:** wtf kind of fruity ass tea are you drinking

 **bitchie tozier:** benny boy and i only fucc with apple cinnamon tea

 **bitchie tozier:** all other leaf waters can get fucked

 **ben handsome:** ^^^^

 **bevenly marsh:** i like peppermint tea!

 **b b b bill denbrough:** peppermint tea is just hot water that makes you feel like you brushed your teeth

 **mikestand hanlon:** that’s the truth

 **bevenly marsh:** shut the fuck up william do you even drink tea you heterosexual male

 **b b b bill denbrough:** i enjoy an occasional orange pekoe tea

 **bevenly marsh:** het

 **b b b bill denbrough:**????

 **mikestand hanlon:** earl grey is my drink of choice

 **bitchie tozier:** fruit loop water

 **Staniel Uris:** Fruit Loop Water

 **bitchie tozier:** *fist bump emoji*

 **Staniel Uris:** *sigh*

 **Staniel Uris:** *fist bump emoji*

 **bitchie tozier:** 8D

 **ed die clapback:** this tea talk is great but i am an iced coffee gay

 **Staniel Uris:** Yes, Edward

 **bevenly marsh:** we know

 **ed die clapback:** homophobes

 **bitchie tozier:** you know whats homophobic?

 **ed die clapback:** if you say my mom richard i swear to g-d

 **bitchie tozier:** orange pekoe tea

 **ed die clapback:** oh

 **Staniel Uris:** That’s a fact

 **bitchie tozier:** also eddies mom

 **ed die clapback:** beep beep richie

 **ed die clapback:** but not untrue

 **ben handsome:** and that’s the tea on tea

 **ben handsome:** doesn’t help my room smell normal again thou

 

**save a horse, ride richie (2:21pm)**

**bitichie tozier:** do you ever set your alarm and see it says you have seventeen hours to sleep and then get fucking pumped

 **bevenly marsh:** no?? i can honestly say ive never slept that long

 **bitchie tozier:** sucks to be you i guess

 **ed die clapback:** you’re not actually going to sleep for 17hrs are you!?!?!

 **bitchie tozier:** uh yes why tf wouldn’t i

 **ed die clapback:** RICHIE THAT’S REALLY BAD FOR YOU

 **ed die clapback:** TOO MUCH SLEEP IS AS BAD AS NOT ENOUGH SLEEP

 **Staniel Uris:** Eddie is right.

 **bitchie tozier:** thanks for the health lesson Drs K and U. i will see you both tomorrow at school

 **ed die clapback:** RICHIE YOURE KILLING YOUR BODY

 **bitchie tozier:** that’s the plan

 **bevenly marsh:** oooooooooooookay

 **mikestand hanlon:** you should sleep if youre tired richie

 **bitchie tozier:** i either sleep for 17 hrs or i don’t sleep for 3 days theres no in between

 **ed die clapback:** K I L L I N G   Y O U R   B O D Y

 **bitchie tozier:** we have already concluded that i’m never going to die ???

 **bitchie tozier:** good to know you care thou eds 8’)

 **ed die clapback:** i don’t know. enjoy your coma richard.

 **mikestand hanlon:** *narrator voice* he in fact cared very much

 **ed die clapback:** SHUT THE FUCK

 **bitchie tozier:** 8-D


	9. eddie vs the homo sapiens agenda

**save a horse, ride richie (11:03pm)**

**ben handsome:** does anybody actually know the words to ymca or just the part where you scream ymca

**bitchie tozier:** NO

**b b b bill denbrough:** some people know the words ben :)))

**bitchie tozier:** I WILL K I L L YOU WILLIAM

**bitchie tozier:** don’t

**ed die clapback** Bill. Do it.

**ed die clapback:** its what he deserves

**bitchie tozier:** STOP BULLYING ME

**bitchie tozier:** billy if you love me you won’t do it

**b b b bill denbrough:** [video72.avi]

**b b b bill denbrough:** FUCK IT WAS ALREADY SENDING BEFORE I READ THAT LMAO

**ben handsome:** i don’t… know what to do with this knowledge

**bevenly marsh:** HOLY SIHT I REMEMBER THAT BUT I DON’T THINK IVE EVER CONNECTED IT TO RICHIE FUCK

**mikestand hanlon:** im really going to need some context here buddies

**ed die clapback:** in like second grade rich was being really disruptive during assembly so the principal called him up to the front and told him he could have five minutes to have all the attention on him uninterrupted. that’s what he chose to do

**ben handsome:** that’s so mean :(

**bitchie tozier:** THANK YOU BEN

**bitchie tozier:** it earned me like a week of EXTRA brutal beatings from Bowers gang

**bitchie tozier:** that day was the first time i’d ever been called a f*ggot :^)

**b b b bill denbrough:** i… didn’t know that

**ed die clapback:** me neither

**Staniel Uris:** I did.

**b b b bill denbrough:** im sorry to make you relive that rich i just thought it was funny that you knew all those words and it seemed like it woudda gotten a laugh

**bitchie tozier:** ah no big bill im not reliving anything

**bitchie tozier:** it was like ten years ago weve seen worse

**Bill Denbrough >>> Richie Tozier**

**billy bill:** i really am sorry richie ill delete it

**richie rich:** don’t delete it

**richie rich:** what else would you jerk off to late at night big bill ;D

**billy bill:** first off i don’t jerk off to you, enough people do that

**billy bill:** if i DID jerk off to you, it wouldn’t be to a 7 year old you wtf richard

**richie rich:** what do u mean enough people do that

**billy bill:** oh would you look at the time i’ve Got To Go

**richie rich:** bill!

_Seen by Bill Denbrough at 1:35 am_

**richie rich:** B ILL Y

_seen by Bill Denbrough at 1:37 am_

**richie rich:** you realize you have your reads on right

**richie rich:** YOUR TURN READS BACK ON YOU FUCKING SNAKE

 

**save a horse, ride richie (2:06am)**

**mikestand hanlon:** eddie i just looked at ur new spotify playlist

**mikestand hanlon:** do you constructive criticism?

**ed die clapback:** no

**mikestan hanlon:** fair enough

**save a horse, ride richie (2:11 am)**

**b b b bill denbrough:** yooo i just looked at it

**b b b bill denbrough:** i don’t know how to tell you this eddie but uhm

**b b b bill denbrough:** i think you might be gay

**ed die clapback:** you don’t fucking say william

**bitchie tozier:** eddie kaspbrak? a *Gasp* homosexual?????

**bitchie tozier:** i cannot believe this

_Beverly Marsh renamed the group Eddie vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda_

**ed die clapback:** oh my g-d

**bitchie tozier:** homosexuality is a SIN Edward

**b b b bill denbrough:** your bisexual

**bitchie tozier:** A SIN

**ed die clapback:** i know mom thanks

**bitchie tozier:** i prefer daddy

_Eddie Kaspbrak removed Richie Tozier from the group_

**ed die clapback:** be gone thot!

_Beverly Marsh added Richie Tozier to the group_

**bevenly marsh:** i think by all definition of what happened in here actually edward ur the thot

**bitchie tozier:** oof

**ed die clapback:** >:(

**b b b bill denbrough:** damn bev ur cold

**bevenly marsh:** thot

**bitchie tozier:** stop bev youre making my eds angery!!!

**bevenly marsh:** best friend protection

**ed die clapback:** you were never this mean when it came to ben

**bevenly marsh:** ben has never been removed from the gc

**ed die clapback:** theres a first time for everything :)

**b b b bill denbrough:** eddie no hes innocent

**bitchie tozier:** EDDIE NO

_Eddie Kaspbrak removed Ben Hanscom from the group_

**bitchie tozier:** eddie is cancelled????

**b b b bill denbrough:** BLOCKED

_Beverly Marsh removed Eddie Kaspbrak from the group_

**bevenly marsh:** No SNakEs in MY gARDeN

**bitchie tozier:** no 8(((((((((((((

**bitchie tozier:** i don’t want to live without eddie

_Richie Tozier left the group_

**b b b bill denbrough:** and then there were 4

**eddie vs the homo sapiens agenda (5:00am)**

**mikestand hanlon:** that was a roller coaster from beginning to end.

**mikestand hanlon:** my favourite part was when richie was the one who cancelled eddie but then got all Extra™ when eddie was removed

**eddie vs the homo sapiens agenda (7:07am)**

**Staniel Uris:** Really? My favourite part was when everybody was very offended that Eddie removed Ben, but nobody actually added Ben back.

**bevenly marsh:** aegkjhgjkfhkafdhadf FUCK

_Beverly Marsh added Ben Hanscom to the group_

**bevenly marsh:** im srry bby

**ben handsome:** I Am Hurt

**ben handsome:** also bring dad back!!!

**b b b bill denbrough:**?

**bevenly marsh:** richie

**Staniel Uris:** He means Richie.

**b b b bill denbrough:** remember when you used to call me and bev mom and dad

**ben handsome:** you are still mom and dad richie is just also a dad

**ben handsome:** i love our dads bill and richie

**bevenly marsh:** bichie

**ben handsome:** B I C H I E

**ben handsome:** BRING BICHIE DAD #2 BACK MOM

_Beverly Marsh added Richie Tozier to the group_

_Beverly Marsh changed the nickname for Bill Denbrough to Bichie Dad #1_

_Beverly Marsh changed the nickname for Richie Tozier to Bichie Dad #2_

**bichie dad #2:** oh worm?

**Staniel Uris:** Richard, I thought I told you to stop saying that!

**bichie dad #2:** sorry dad

**Staniel Uris:** I do not wish to be your father.

**bichie dad #2:** but….look

**bichie dad #2** you already know your lines!

**bevenly marsh:** oof!!!!!!!!!!!

**ben handsome:** agh

**bichie dad #1:** sdhgfkjhsagdkjfhadf RICHIE

_Stanley Uris is typing…._

**bichie dad #1:** you killed him

**Staniel Uris:** Richie :(

**bichie dad #2:** Stanley :(

**Staniel Uris:** I’m your father now.

**bichie dad #2:** DADDY!!!!!

**Staniel Uris:** Don’t make me fucking regret it, Tozier.

**bichie dad #2:** noted.

**ben handsome:** if richie is my dad and stan is his dad, does that make stan my grandfather

**Staniel Uris:** …..

**bevenly marsh:** checks out!!

_Bill Denbrough changed the nickname for Stanley Uris to “grandpa stan”_

**grandpa stan:** I hate this family

**Eddie Kaspbrak >>> Richie Tozier**

**eds <3: **ADD ME BACK WHAT THE FUCK

**rich!:** ask me nicely

**eds <3: **no

**rich!:** fair enough

**save a horse, ride richie (1:22am)**

_Richie Tozier added Eddie Kaspbrak to the group_

**bichie dad #2:** i think i pop a semi every time i watch kyle gallagher scream at his father in that 2010 nightmare remake

**ed die clapback:** why does yelling get you hard

**bichie dad #2:** idk probably because of how often u yell at me

**ed die clapback:** ….

**bichie dad #1:** AND ON THAT NOTE GOOD FUKCING NIGHT EVERYONE


	10. stage three richie(tm)

**eddie vs the homo sapiens agenda (9:36am)**

**bichie dad #2:** hey mike

 **mikestand hanlon:** im sort of annoyed that i don’t know if this bill or richie anymore

 **bichie dad #2:** 8D

 **ed die clapback:** richie

 **Staniel Uris:** Richie.

 **mikestand hanlon:** yes richie?

 **bichie dad #2:** eds and i were talking

 **mikestand hanlon:** always a dangerous combination

 **ed die clapback:** >:(

 **bichie dad #2:** we were thinking that you are now the only one whos never been removed from the gc

 **bichie dad #1:** im never been removed from the gc

 **mikestand hanlon:** you’ve been removed three times this week bill

 **bichie dad #1:** that never happened

_Richie Tozier removed Bill Denbrough from the group_

**bichie dad #2:** anywho

 **Staniel Uris:** Blasphemy, Richard.

 **ed die clapback:** add him back then you always do

 **Staniel Uris:** A little time away from the chat will do Bill some good.

 **ed die clapback:** is it because richie removed him?

 **bevenly marsh:** it’s because richie removed him.

**tozier luv club**

**Stan the Man:** Do not call me out like this, you fakes.

 **bevvy:** L M A O

**eddie vs the homo sapiens agenda**

**bichie dad #2:** if you all done #exposing Stan i actually did have a point here

 **bevenly marsh:** and what point was that

_Richie Tozier removed Mike Hanlon from the group_

**bichie dad #2:** that’s all. back to your regular scheduled programming

 **bevenly marsh:** oof

**eddie vs the homo sapiens agenda (3:14am)**

**bichie dad #2:** hey guys what’s black and white and red all over?

 **bichie dad #2:** a penguin with a sunburn

_Richie Tozier changed his nickname to bitchie tozier_

**bitchie tozier:** I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance so i pushed her over

 **bitchie tozier:** i don’t like how funerals always happen at 9 am… im really not a mourning person

 **bitchie tozier:** rick Astley will let you borrow most of his pixar movies but he’s never gonna give you “Up”

 **bitchie tozier:** I cannot believe you fuckers actually have this chat on do not disturb at night what if i was DYING

 **bitchie tozier:** eddie answer the phone >8(

 **bitchie tozier:** ed edd and eddie!!!

 **bitchie tozier:** eddddddieeee i love you answer the phone please

 **bitchie tozier:** Stan!! Stan the Man!!! Stanley!! Answer the phooooooooooooooooooone

 **bitchie tozier:** all i do you love you gays unconditionally and you leave me alone to D I E

 **bitchie tozier:** fine

 **bitchie tozier:** guess ill die then

**eddie vs the homo sapiens agenda (6:42am)**

**ben handsome:** wtf

 **ben handsome:** rich,,,, are you like,,, ok?

 **ed die clapback:** it is so fuckign earely in the morning why the fucjkc IT IS THE WKEENED  

 **ed die clapback:** why the F UKC do i have seventeen missed calls from richard

 **ben handsome:** scroll up

 **ed die clapback:** F UCK

**Eddie Kaspbrak >>> Richie Tozier**

**eds <3: **hey answer the fucking phone

 **rich!:** no not right now no i cant

 **eds <3: **richie what is going on

 **rich!:** ill see you guys all later eddie

 **eds <3: **eddie???????????????????????///////

**Stage Three Richie™**

**eddie k:** we have a problem

 **eddie k:** [screenshotofeddieandrichiesconversation.png]

 **mikie h:** whoa wtf happened

 **eddie k:** oh damn i forgot you got removed from the main gc hold on ill add you back then read it

 **mikie h:** ohoo shit is he okay

 **eddie k:** idk he wont a n s qwer my phone calls and he stopped texting me back >:(

 **bevvie m:** i loose a few years off my life every time i see this gc is active again :((((

 **benny h:** i know that feeling

 **Stanny U:** I hate this chat. Why are we using it?

 **Stanny U:** Also, why do I have eleven missed call from Richie at 3:30 in the morning?

 **eddie k:** check main chat

 **Stanny U:** Fuck.

 **Stanny U:** He wont answer my calls.

 **eddie k:** Im going over there

 **bevvie m:** your mom is going to be cool with that

 **eddie k:** absolutely fucking not but idc

 **Stanny U:** Don’t get in trouble, Eddie. I’ll go over there.

 **billy d:** no no i live closest im already leaving

 **eddie k:** billy!

 **billy d:** somebody better get me caught up thou wtf happened

 **eddie k:** shghakja ill add you back to the main chat fuck

 **billy d:** new fucking rule, no removing people for more than like five minutes fuck

 **billy d:** no separating the fucking seven bad things happen

 **eddie k:** done

 **benny h:** done

 **Stanny U:** Done.

 **mikie h:** done

 **bevvy m:** [Obamaitislaw.gif]

**AMIGAS CHEETAHS (7:18am)**

**BIG BILL:** I JUST WENT TO HIS HOUSE FUCK

 **EDDIE SPAHGETTI:** holy shit this gc is old af

 **EDDIE SPAGHETTI:** ALSO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

 **BIG BILL:** mr tozier answered the door and said that richie told him he was going to eddies???????? which is obviously a fucking lie.

 **STAN THE MAN:** Shit.

 **EDDIE SPAGHETTI:** BILLY :((((

 **BIG BILL:** so i did what any sane friend would do and scaled up into his window and guys it looks like a bomb went off like even more than usual

 **BIG BILL:** it looks like somebody ripped it tf apart like looking for something and richie isn’t in there

 **EDDIE SPAGHETTI:** THEN WHERE THE FUCK IS HE WILLIAM

 **BIG BILL:** I DON’T KNOW EDWARD FUCK

 **STAN THE MAN:** he talked about dying in the gc last night….

 **EDDIE SPAGHETTI:** I AM RUNNING TO THE QUARRY RN MY MOTHER IS SCREAMING DOWN THE STREET

 **EDDIE SPAGHETTI:** I JUST SCREAMED FUCK YOU MOM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS HOLY SHI TI AM GOIN TO BE MURDERED WHEN I GO HOME FUCK

 **STAN THE MAN:** Why are you running? You have a bike

 **EDDIE SPAGHETTI:** I PANICKED IM RU N N NING

 **STAN THE MAN:** We need to recruit the troupes.

**Stage Three Richie™ (7:22am)**

**Stanny U:** Richie is not at home. He told his father he was going to Eddie’s, which is obviously untrue. It looks like his bedroom has been ransacked.

 **bevvy m:** wtf where is he

 **Stanny U:** We are currently organizing a search party right now, we need to spread out and find him. Eddie is already heading to the quarry.

 **eddie k:** I AM RUN

 **billie b:** i’m going to stay at around the toziers in case he turns back up

 **benny h:** i’ll go to the arcade and downtown

 **mikie h:** i have to finish chores around here then i will ride into town

 **bevvy m:** im already heading to the spot by the train tracks where richie and i smoke up sometimes

 **Stanny U:** Okay, good, I’m going to the Barrens then.

 **billie b:** be extra careful @stan and @eddie. bowers gang has been hanging out there a lot lately on the weekends.

 **Stanny U:** Noted.

 **eddie k:** he’s not here

 **bevvy m:** how tf are you already at quarry

 **eddie k:** RUNNING BEVERLY

 **benny h:** not to make a stressful situation worse but do you remember a few weeks ago when i mentioned that time richie got really drunk and threw himself off the quarry

 **benny h:** and he said that….

 **Stanny U:** Fuck.

 **eddie k:** im jumping in

 **Stanny U:** Eddie, no!! What good could that possibly do???

 **eddie k:** ok ok ok wait

 **eddie k:** richie answered my text this morning so he is Not Dead

 **bevvy m:** i refuse to even fuck with the idea that he’s dead honestly if we don’t find him by noon everybody meet at bills house?

 **billie d:** yes

**Stage Three Richie™ (11:36am)**

**Stanny U:** Holy shit, I went home to change out of my muddy clothes after the Barrens before going to Bill’s and I almost had a fucking heart attack.

 **bevvy m:**???????????

 **Stanny U:** [richiesleepinginthefetalpositiononstansbed.jpg]

 **benny h:** skjhgakjhgkjhkjahkga OHMY GOD

 **bevvy m:** eddie just burst into tears

 **eddie k:** YOU ARENY EVEN WITH ME HOW COULD YOU KNOW THAT

 **bevvy m:** is it not true

 **eddie k:** no its true i had to sit down on the sidewalk

 **billie d:** GIVE RICHIE THE BIGGEST HUG FROM ME WTF I AM SO UPSET

 **Stanny U:** No, I’m not going to touch him. I’m just going to sit at my desk until he wakes up, give him some space.

 **eddie k:** uhmm FUCK that?

 **eddie k:** i am coming over right now to cuddle you B O TH

 **Stanny U** : That’s not necessary, Eddie.

 **eddie k:** I AM ALREADY ON ROUTE STANLEY

**Eddie Kaspbrak created a new group (4:55pm)**

_Eddie Kaspbrak added Beverly Marsh and Ben Hanscom to the group_

_Eddie Kaspbrak titled the group BIG GAY CRISIS_

**Eddie:** so as you all know i have feelings for richard that might be a little strong

 **Beverly:** we know that you are absolutely in love with him yes

 **Eddie:** anywhom

 **Eddie:** i was like, spooning him and he was sleeping on stan’s chest and obvi my heart was going a thousand miles a minute bc i was SPOOING RICHARD TOZIER

 **Eddie:** but then like??? stan touched my hand and he like…. morphed our fingers together all connected…. and my heart like??? exploded???

 **Ben:** You held hands with stan???? while cuddling richie?

 **Eddie:** yes!

 **Eddie:** and now I think I have a crush on stan

_Beverly Marsh is typing….._

_Ben Hanscom is typing…._


	11. that's so beverly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternatively titled: eddie, baby, i'm sorry an ugly ass hoe would do this to you part one

__

**BIG GAY CRISIS (5:02pm)**

**Eddie:** and now I think I have a crush on stan

**Ben:** oh man poor bill

**Beverly:** LMAO IMAGINE BEING BILL

**Eddie:** literally what the fuck does bill have to do with any of this

**Beverly:** imagine being that little seven year old bill, making these friends, only for them to all end up in love with each other

**Eddie:** omg that’s not what this is

**Ben:** eddie im pretty sure you just said that’s exactly that

**Eddie:** i do not recall

**Beverly:** [screenshotofeddiesconfession.png]

**Eddie:** that wasn’t me

**Beverly:** HONESTLY EDWARD

**eddie vs the homo sapiens agenda (11:15pm)**

**bitchie tozier:** theres a fine line between being sarcastic and being an asshole and i cross that line everyday

**ed die clapback:** same

**bevenly marsh:** same

**grandpa stan:** Same.

**bichie dad #1:** awe i love the sass squad

**bitchie tozier:** ot4 8*

**bichie dad #1:** i am literally so offended richard

**ben handsome:** oh no

**bichie dad #1:** HOW THE FUCK COULD ANYBODY BE OT4 EXCEPT FOR ME U EDDIE AND STAN

**bichie dad #1:** no offense my loves but

**bichie dad #1:** WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD

**bitchie tozier:** BI LL Y

**bitchie tozier:** you know you are my #1 ;) <3

**mikestand hanlon:** #3 *

**bitchie tozier:** dont!~!!

**bevenly marsh:** oh exposed?

**mikestand hanlon:** big time exposed

**bitchie tozier:** hey remember earlier today when you all thought i WAS DEAD and LOVED ME SO MUCH

**bitchie tozier:** bring that back

**grandpa stan:** I am not ready for those jokes, Richard.

**ed die clapback:** ^^^

**bitchie tozier:** ok yes sorry

**ben handsome:** richie are you okay thou

**bitchie tozier:** o yeah

**bitchie tozier:** i was just having A Lot Of ADHD last night so this morning i went to go wake up and bug eddie then Patrick found me

**bitchie tozier:** hes still mad about that apush thing he fucked up my face real bad lmao

**bevenly marsh:** oh :((((((((((

**bitchie tozier:** [selfieofrichie.jpg]

**bichie dad #1:** omg rich :(

**bitchie tozier:** @stan this is the part where you come in and say its an improvement or something equally snarky

**grandpa stan:** I will not say anything of the sort for at least two days until the bruises start turning that extremely unattractive greenish colour

**bitchie tozier:** alright noted

**mikestand hanlon:** stozier

**bichie dad #1:** speaking of stozier if u think that we didn’t notice that your head is resting on stans chest we didn’t

**bitchie tozier:** 8D

**grandpa stan:** Beep beep, Richie.

**bitchie tozier:** i didn’t say anything <3

**grandpa stan:** Yet…

**mikestand hanlon:** stozier!!

**BIG GAY CRISIS**

**Eddie:** I AM IN SUFFERING

**Beverly:** baby ily but youre so dumn sometimes

**Eddie:** what the fuck why

**Beverly:** le sigh

**eddie vs the homo sapiens agenda (7:20pm)**

**ed die clapback:** so im home now

**grandpa stan:** Eddie, you left my house like three hours ago? What happened?

**ed die clapback:** uh i was avoiding going home because i screamed at my mother to fuck off this morning while running down the street

**bevenly marsh:** oh my god eddie!!!

**bitchie tozier:** I AM SO PROUD OF YOU

**mikestand hanlon:** you would be

**bitchie tozier:** r00d

**ed die clapback:** i am standing on the front porch I Am Afraid to go inside

**grandpa stan:** You can come back over for the night, Edide. You can do this tomorrow.

**ed die clapback:** no no i would still be afraid to do this tomorrow i cant put it off forever

**grandpa stan:** Okay. Keep your head down, try not to rally her up too much.

**ed die clapback:** im going to be so fucking grounded

**ed die clapback:** see you guys in a month

**bitchie tozier:** noooooooo :(((

**eddie vs the homo sapiens agenda (9:16pm)**

**ed die clapback:** hey stan is richie still over

**bitchie tozier:** i live here

**grandpa stan:** You do not live here, Richard.

**bichie dad #1:** he did, in fact, live there.

**bevenly marsh:** he has his own plate

**grandpa stan:** It’s not his plate, it’s my childhood Spider-Man plate! He just insists on always using it when he comes over

**bichie dad #1:** you wouldn’t let your dad throw it out last year even thou its cracked because richie would have been sad

**ben handsome:** oh man #exposed

**ed die clapback:** ok i might be coming back over soon

**grandpa stan:** You’re not grounded?

**ed die clapback:** uh no im homeless actually

**bitchie tozier:** PARSONO

**grandpa stan:** I’m sorry, what?

**ben handsome:** come again????

**ed die clapback:** I mentioned to my mom while she was yelling that i was going to go find richie and she started freaking out about him, calling him dirty and gross and he called him f*g and that he was getting him sick with The Gay and I may have…

**ed die clapback:** come out to her

**bevenly marsh:** holy fucking siht

**grandpa stan:** Eddie!!!!!

**ed die clapback:** to be more specific, i told her i was the gayest person to ever step foot in this town and if anybody gave anybody The Gay it was me

**bichie dad #1:** oh my god

**bitchie tozier:** is your mom still up

**bitchie tozier:** i just want to talk :^)

**grandpa stan:** You can stay here, my parents love you almost as much as they love me **.**

**bitchie tozier:** yeah eddie come move in with me and stan the man!!

**bevenly marsh:** I think i’m seeing the future

**bevenly marsh:** oh my god guys i’m psychic

_Ben Hanscom renamed the group That’s So Beverly_

**ed die clapback:** is now the time

**bevenly marsh:** no no im sorry eddie

**grandpa stan:** Eddie, where are you??

**ed die clapback:** i am at the playground crying on the swings

**bitchie tozier:** we’re coming rn

**mikestand hanlon:** wow goals

**Richie Tozier >>> Stanley Uris**

**Ultimate Annoyance:** so we agree to not tell anybody for awhile then?

**manley stanley:** No, let’s wait for everything to calm down before we say anything to anybody.


	12. fuckboi billy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is short but i wanted to like, have something before i start fucking around with side ships and the non-stozier characters and also i'm not ready to #expose what i know about what's going on with stozier so sorry this chapter is weak as fuck

**that’s so beverly (12:05pm)**

**ed die clapback:** richie cried in the theatre watching black panther

**bitchie tozier:** EDDIE I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFINDENCE

**bichie dad #1:** eddie kaspbrak has never kept a secret in his entire life richie

**bichie dad #1:** i bet he was already typing that while you were saying “Don’t tell anybody”

**ed die clapback:** fuck bill don’t call me out like that damn

**grandpa stan:** That’s exactly what happened, I watched it go down.

**ben handsome:** richie i was sitting beside u in the movie and i did not hear you cry

**bitchie tozier:** i am v good at hiding the fact that i am crying i once cried through an entire school day and nobody noticed except bowers who called me a little bitch for crying and shoved me into a locker

**bichie dad #1:** stop telling me sad things !!!!

**bichie dad #1:** sad richie not allowed i ban him

**bevenly marsh:** [obamaitislaw.gif]

**bitchie tozier:** does it,,, work like that

**mikestand hanlon:** IT IS LAW

**ben handsome:** IT IS LAW

**bitchie tozier:** i… ok

**ed die clapback:** anyways

**that’s so beverly (1:33pm)**

**bitchie tozier:** hey bill i found u a date partner

**bichie dad #1:** idk man ive got really particular preferences when it comes to girls

**bichie dad #1:** is she one

**bitchie tozier:** yes

**bichie dad #1:** that’ll do it

**bitchie tozier:** her name is audra and she would not stfu about how i knew you during chem ii today so i said i would get you Her Information

**bevenly marsh:** audra phillips is a fucking babe honestly fuck bill get on that

**bichie dad #1:** [obamaitislaw.gif]

**bevenly marsh:** i Am Touched?? I have been chosen??

**bichie dad #1:** get her my number RICHArD

**bitchie tozier:** i am already did but i told her not to text you until i talked to you

**bichie dad #1:** so you just assumed i would say yes

**bitchie tozier:** “is she a girl?” “yes” “that’ll do it”

**bitchie tozier:** of course i did u a hoe baby <3

_Ben Hanscom changed the name for Bill Denbrough to fuckboi billy_

**fuckboi billy:** what the fuck i am not

**grandpa stan:** You are, actually. I love you, buddy, but you’re kind of a “fuckboi” at it’s finest

**fuckboi billy:** richie is a bigger fuckboi than i am

**grandpa stan:** Wrong.

**bevenly marsh:** that is incorrect william

**fuckboi billy:** what how

**bevenly marsh:** richard tozier does the fuckboi talk but does not do the fuckboi walk. richard tozier is a closet romantic

**bitchie tozier:** NO HE IS N OT

**grandpa stan:** No, confirmed you are.

**ed die clapback:** richie tozier is #soft #exposed

**bitchie tozier:** NO I’M A BAD BITCH

**ed die clapback:** no

**grandpa stan:** No.

**bevenly marsh:** no

_Bill Denbrough changed the nickname for Richie Tozier to Bad Bitch Rich_

**bad bitch rich:** thanks bby

**fuckboi billy:** ily bby :*

**ed die clapback:** Blocked ?

**ed die clapback:** I don’t share.

**bad bitch rich:** what

**ed die clapback:** what

**bevenly marsh:** ho boy

**grandpa stan:** [keyboard smash]

**bevenly marsh:** did you just,,,, type out keyboard smash

**grandpa stan:** Yes.

**bevenly marsh:** ok

**bad bitch rich:** eddie what did you say

**ed die clapback:** nothing? wydm

**bad bitch rich:** eddie

**ed die clapback:** richie

**bad bitch rich:** edward

**ed die clapback:** richard

**mikestand hanlon:** i have arrived at the Wrong Time

**mikestand hanlon:** but i am reddie

**bevenly marsh:** did you just,

**grandpa stan:** I am finished with this non-conversation of Richie and Eddie being idiots.

**ed die clapback:** talk shit to my face bitch

**ed die clapback:** i’m right The Fuck here

**bad bitch rich:** [videoofstanslayingeddie.mp4]

**bevenly marsh:** are all three of you fucking together

**bad bitch rich:** we are together

**bad bitch rich:** we are not fucking

**bad bitch rich:** yet

**grandpa stan:** Not ever.

**bad bitch rich:** not yet***

**fuckboi billy:** i’m sure eddie and stan don’t want to fuck each other

**ed die clapback:** Well.

**grandpa stan:** Well.

**bevenly marsh:** is richie spontaneously combusting rn

**ed die clapback:** [videoofrichiefangirling.mp4]

**mikestand hanlon:** tag urself i’m richie’s high pitched shrieking

**fuckboi billy:** i’m stan pissing himself laughing

**bevenly marsh:** i’m richie saying i love u gays and crawling into stan’s lap

**mikestand hanlon:** richie: im not soft

**mikestand hanlon:** richie: i love u gays *cuddles*

**grandpa stan:** Richie just kicked Eddie off the bed and said “My heart is empty, bitch! Yeet!”

**bevenly marsh:** awe poor eddie rip

**bevenly marsh:** ill cry at the funeral

**that’s so beverly (10:50 pm)**

**bad bitch rich:** me trying to make stan happy is sometimes is like when you type in your password and it says it’s the wrong password so many times that you have to change your password and then it tells you that your new password cant be the same as your old password

**ed die clapback:** sgkhfsalkdfahjjfkadhdfajladf


	13. sober straw

**that’s so beverly (6:35pm)**

**fuckboi billy:** so richie got really fucking high today and called me asking me to bring him to mcdonalds so like the diligent best friend i am i drove over there to get him

**bevenly marsh:** im richies best friend

**fuckboi billy:** i don’t see u bringing him to mcdonalds when hes high

**bevenly marsh:** i don’t need to i gave him the weed

**fuckboi billy:** anyway you all know what richie is like when hes high

**ben handsome:** we are familiar with toddler tozier yes

**fuckboi billy:** exactly so when i get there richie pratically cries because he wants to walk to mcdonlads not drive

**fuckboi billy:** and im like alright its pretty nice outside so i agreed but then he made me hold his hand the whole way there

**mikestand hanlon:** i believe the holding hands with richie would be a privilege

**bevenly marsh:** it is bill is just mean

**fuckboi billy:** ANYWHOM you know you need to talk to high richie or he gets completely stuck inside his head and may never return to the real world

**ben handsome:** high richie is so scary i don’t like him that quiet

**fuckboi billy:** so i asked him what he was going to get at mcdonalds and he says

**fuckboi billy:** coffee

**fuckboi billy:** and i asked him if he’s going to get anything else and he looks so fucking serious like he’s really concerntrating really hard and then dead pans says

**fuckboi billy:** i might get it iced

**bevenly marsh:** sjgkhgakjahkjlfhaflakfhkjgf

**mikestand hanlon:** i love high richie so much

**ben handsome:** my absolute favourite high richie moment was when he was hitting stan in the knee with an empty water bottle and stan told him to stop hitting him with the bottle and richie looked at him so angry and confused and was like

**ben handsome:** what bottle

**ben handsome:** then hit him with the bottle again

**mikestand hanlon:** unpopular opinion but sober straw richie is my acutal favourite he has no fucking patience at all for intoxiciated people

**fuckboi billy:** do you remember the time eddie and bev wanted to make mashed potatoes and richie had to supervise them which basically means do it for them

**bevenly marsh:** Y E S omg ok i just wanted a little more sensoning okay he didn’t need to do me so damn dirty

**ben handsome:** wait what happened i don’t think i was there that time

**fuckboi billy:** no no it was just me bev eddie and rich and rich drew sober straw

**fuckboi billy:** ive srsly never seen richard tozier look more stan like in my life

**mikestand hanlon:** oneandthesame.mp3

**fuckboi billy:** tru

**ben handsome:** pls tell the story

**fuckboi billy:** k you know how eddie and bev get munchies worse than any high person i’ve ever seen

**ben handsome:** yes rich gets needy, stan get sleepy, me n u get giggly, mike get Conspiracy™ while bev and eddie get hungry

**fuckboi billy:** exactly so eddie and bev wanted mashed potatoes and as sober straw richie had to do it for them and they pretty much done u could tell rich was annoyed by it wasn’t that bad until he was putting on the paprika or whatever and bev kept telling him it wasn’t enough

**fuckboi billy:** so richie just fucking opens the lid and dumps the ENTIRE BOTTLE onto the finished mashed potatoes and eddie cried

**ben handsome:** richie is the Worst sober straw honestly

**bevenly marsh:** no stan is the worst sober straw

**mikestand hanlon:** that’s true stan loves to fuck with high people until they’re sketching the fuck out

**mikestand hanlon:** sober straw richie is just a grumpy single mother, sober straw stan is secretly satan

**bevenly marsh:** stan really is the worst sober straw do you remember when he let eddie eat all of my whipped cream straight out of the spray can

**fuckboi billy:** that was SO Messy because you fucking cried and then eddie threw tf up from eating it all.

**mikestand hanlon:** stan didn’t even help eddie while he puking he just like wtf did you expect Edward and richie had to do it

**ed die clapback:** bill is the worst sober straw aCTUALLY

**ben handsome:** Hi Eddie! <3

**ed die clapback:** Hi Ben! <3

**fuckboi billy:** what the fuck eddie i am not

**ed die clapback:** YES YOU FUCKING ARE! do you not remember that new years when ben saw that guy pass out in the snow bank and you literally did not only refuse to be the one to call the police but you took everybody’s drinks because you thought wed get busted for under age drinking and hid them all around the house and nobody could find their drinks all fucknig night

**fuckboi billy:** i was being responsible Edward i didn’t wanna anybody getting in shit i was helping

**ed die clapback:** you made drunk ben and mike make a phone call to the fucking police billy

**ben handsome:** he also let richie and stan go outside and kick the poor guy to see if he was alive

**bevenly marsh:** im pretty sure i missed all of that because i was already throwing up at 10:30 because bill let me drink like half a bottle of jack on a dare

**mikestand hanlon:** damn billy really is the worst sober straw

**fuckboi billy:** im not the worst im just the least responsible

**ed die clapback:**? the whole point of sober straw is to be fucking responsible william

**fuckboi billy:** well who tf is the best sober straw then fuck

**ed die clapback:** BEN

**bevenly marsh:** ben

**mikestand hanlon:** Benjamin

**ben handsome:** probably me

**fuckboi billy:** ok fuck ok

**bevenly marsh:** it’s obviously ben, mike, me, richie, eddie, stan, u.

**ed die clapback:** how tf is richie a better sober straw then me wtf i was sober straw for a year before we even invented it

**bevenly marsh:** babe if richie has zero tolerance for intoxicated people then you have too much tolerance for intoxicated people like you really have no sense of when a person is too drunk like/high and you also refuse comfort as much as stan does

**fuckboi billy:** richie is The Most Comforting when you take things too far tbh like even drunk/high richie is the best that boy right there with ya while your head is in the toilet

**bevenly marsh:** that’s so fucknig tru honestly do you remember when stan greened out for the first time and richie stayed with him while he threw up into waste basket for literal hours and richie wasn’t even sober straw like #good dad rich

_Ben Hanscom changed the nickname for Richie Tozier to good dad rich_

**ed die clapback:** he’s gonna hate that richie despises the idea that he is soft

**fuckboi billy:** oh he’s soft

**fuckboi billy:** [imageofrichiesleepingandcuddlingwithastuffie.jpg]

**bevenly marsh:** IM LOVE

**grandpa stan:** I don’t know what we were talking about before this, but I knew you stole that stuffed duck from me when we were seven, William. Congratulations, you exposed yourself.

**fuckboi billy:** GOTTA BLAST

_Bill Denbrough left the group chat_

**mikestand hanlon:** LMAO

**bevenly marsh:** so at seven years old eddie and richie were getting married while stan and bill were sharing stuffed animals

**bevenly marsh:** y’all have really been fucking gay your whole lives huh

**mikestand hanlon:** reddie and stenbrough have been happening since diapers eh

**ed die clapback:** i don’t know what a st*nbrough is but i hate it :)

**good dad rich:** me too

**grandpa stan:** Honestly? Me too.

**ben handsome:** stenbrough just died in front of our very eyes

**bevenly marsh:** there was never a st*nbrough it was clearly stozier and kaspbrough

**ed die clapback:** i wanna fight that but honestly,,,, u right u right

**mikestand hanlon:** then bill was straight so the stozier kaspbrough dream team became streddie which is even gayer

**ed die clapback:** how is it gayer

**mikestand hanlon:** three gay guys is gayer than two gay guys duh

**good dad rich:** im bisexual

**mikestand hanlon:** ok two and a half gay guys is still gayer than just two

**good dad rich:** i,,,,

_Beverly Marsh removed Mike Hanlon from the group chat_

**beverly marsh:** R-E-S-P-E-C-T

**beverly marsh:** FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME

**good dad rich:** nah its fine when we went to the museum and ended up in the Africa section i whispered “i wanna be where the white people are” in mike’s ear to the tune of that song from the little mermaid and he only hit me once

_Ben Hanscom removed Richie Tozier from the group chat_

**ed die clapback:** Benverly; king and queen of removing problematic cucks from the gc

**grandpa stan:** Add them back. Remember what Bill said about separating the Seven.

**bevenly marsh:** u right u right

_Beverly Marsh added Bill Denbrough, Mike Hanlon and Richie Tozier to the group chat_

**bevenly marsh:** everybody fucking act right.

_Eddie Kaspbrak renamed the group chat Intersectional Feminism ONLY_

**fuckboi billy:** im not sure what that is but i support it

**ed die clapback:** big gay sigh

**Intersectional Feminism ONLY (9:25pm)**

**good dad rich:** hey bro

**fuckboi billy:** yeah bro

**good dad rich:** we gonna tell em bro

**fuckboi billy:** i think we should bro

**ben handsome:** what is this

**ed die clapback:** i don’t trust it

**good dad rich:** we’re bros

**bevenly marsh:** is this a #no homo thing? bc richie already has enough boyfriends.

**good dad rich:**? I do not have Any Boyfriends

**bevenly marsh:** ok lol

**good dad rich:**???

**fuckboi billy:** its not a #no homo thing we’re real bros

**good dad rich:** really real bros

**fuckboi billy:** full on brotherhood going on in here

**ed die clapback:** care to explain what the fuck you’re talking about

**fuckboi billy:** [imageofinvitationtogeorgieandbeckyswedding.jpg]

**fuckboi billy:** brothers in law bitch

**bevenly marsh:** hoooooooooooooooooooooo my god

**bevenly marsh:** i’m so fucking excited

**ed die clapback:** the tozier-denbrough relationship we deserve honestly

**good dad rich:** ok but billy and i would have been an iconic power couple if he liked dick

**fuckboi billy:** tbh if anybody’s made me question my Str8ness™ it’s u richie

**good dad rich:** that’s fitting since you made me realize i Was Not Str8

**fuckboi billy:** bro <3

**good dad rich:** bro <3

**ben handsome:** hey congrats rich you collected a whole set

**good dad rich:** whole set of what

**mikestand hanlon:** not a whole set :)))

**mikestand hanlon:** no offense richie

**good dad rich:** not sure what is offensive so i am not offended

**mikestand hanlon:** is there anybody in this world more oblivious than richard tozier

**ed die clapback:** stanley uris

**fuckboi billy:** point


	14. fellas, is it gay to jack a bro off?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively titled: fasten your seat belts ;)

**Intersectional Feminism ONLY (1:44pm)**

**fuckboi billy:** unrelated but who wants a dick pic

**bevenly marsh:** literally none of us?

**mikestan hanlon:** i sort of do actually

**fuckboi billy:** [pictureofrichie.jpg]

**bad bitch rich:** WHAT THE FUCK BILL

**bevenly marsh:** i choked

**fuckboi billy:** on dat dick :D

**ben handsome:** at this point i don’t know whos worse bill or richie

**grandpa stan:** They have been mutually bad infulences on one another since we were children, and have been spending too much time together lately.

**ed die clapback:** are we ignoring that mike basically admitted to wanting to see bill’s dick

**mikestand hanlon:** have you never

**ed die clapback:** shut?

**fuckboi bill:** no shame you guys it’s understandable ;)

**good dad rich:** actually its nothing to write home about

**ed die clapback:** what

**fuckboi billy:** what the fuck richard

**bevenly marsh:** well most dicks are more impressive while hard so i’ll give ya the benefit of the doubt billy

**good dad rich:** i can confirm still nothing to write home about

**fuckboi billy:** WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD

**ed die clapback:** what

**mikestand hanlon:** bill denbrough not as straight as originally thought?

**ben handsome:** ahgkjhkasagkjgashgkahtuSGRKJHGSKJLrwhbgd

**bevenly marsh:** fellas is it gay to whack a bro off

**grandpa stan:** What?

**grandpa stan:** Why?

**grandpa stan:** What is happening?

**fuckboi billy:** it was one time

**good dad rich:** lol ok

**bevenly marsh:** this is getting way intense

**ed die clapback:** what

**grandpa stan:** I think you guys broke Eddie.

**good dad rich:** what’s a little wanking between buds

**grandpa stan:** We have been “buds” longer than you and Bill, and you have never touched my dick.

**good dad rich:** well i mean

**good dad rich:** i’d be down if you asked

**ed die clapback:** what

**grandpa stan:** ….

**tozier luv club**

**bevvy:** YO WHAT THE FUCK

**Stan the Man:** DO YOU THINK I HAVE ANY IDEA

**eds:** i stg i will skin you alive

**Stan the Man:** That’s so threatening, I don’t even know what you want.

**eds:** ill let you know when i know

**Stan the Man:** Okay?

**Intersectional Feminism ONLY (2:07pm)**

**mikestand hanlon:** i don’t really know what to do now

**fuckboi billy:** richie has that effect on people

**mikestand hanlon:** i’m a little concerned considered about how yesterday you guys were talking about how you’re brothers and now today we find out you’ve been dicking down

**fuckboi billy:** we have not been dicking down we’ve just had a few high interactions

**bevenly marsh:** WHO WAS YOUR SOBER STRAW

**ben handsome:** probably stan

**mikestand hanlon:** ima go with stan

**good dad rich:** *narrator voice* they were correct

**ed die clapback:** i

**ed die clapback:** what

**ben handsome:** richie may be a fuckboi yet

**good dad rich:** 8-D

**bevenly marsh:** nah bill is still the fuckboi rich is just insecure

**good dad rich:** WOW

**mikestand hanlon:** bev just murdered you richie

**ed die clapback:** don’t worry rich she’s just mad her two ex boyfriends are getting more action from each other then she ever got from either of them

**bevenly marsh** : FUCK eddie

**mikestand hanlon:** double homicide a rare event indeed

**ben handsome:** im not even functioning anymore today has been too eventful

**good dad rich:** it’s #exposure day apparently

**fuckboi billy:** richie likes being slapped during sex

**bevenly marsh:** *softly* no

**good dad rich:** BIULLY

**fuckboi billy:** I THOUGHT WE WERE EXPOSING STUFF

**good dad rich:** NOT THAT STUFF JFC

**fuckboi billy:** HHFJLAGFHJF IM SORRY

**grandpa stan:** I want to die.

**ed die clapback:** im already dead

**ben handsome:** ok but i am surprised that richie likes it extremely rough? no

**mikestand hanlon:** well you would know youre the one he handcuffed

**ben handsome:** NO I THOUGHT WE WERE PAST THIS

**mikestand hanlon:** NEVER

**grandpa stan:** You know, this would never happen to a normal fucking group of friends.

**bevenly marsh:** i think it would

**grandpa stan:** It wouldn’t.

**good dad rich:** stan and eddie are just being salty bc we all had crushes on bill for years and i’m the only one who Got That Dick

**bevenly marsh:** that’s not why they’re salty

**ed die clapback:** Shut UP Beverly

**bevenly marsh:** lmao

**good dad rich:** ok why am i always the one out of the loop

**mikestand hanlon:** you just dropped the bomb that you and bill have dicked on multiple occasions and youre still the one out of the loop

**ed die clapback:** yes

**ben handsome:** yes

**bevenly marsh:** yes

**mikestand hanlon:** alright proceed

**good dad rich:** 8(

**bevenly marsh:** maybe someday you won’t be an oblivious idiot and will finally be in the loop

**good dad rich:** youre being extra mean to me today marsh

**bevenly marsh:** to be fair i just found out you’ve touched my ex’s dick

**good dad rich:** technically,,, i touch you ex’s dick at least once a day

**fuckboi billy:** what

**fuckboi billy:** OH

**ben handsome:** omg

**ed die clapback:** BEEP BEEP RICHIE

**mikestand hanlon:** wait

**mikestand hanlon:** do you remember when bill exactly sent the gc a text about jerking off

**good dad rich:** ha

**mikestand hanlon:** was that you,,, sexting

**fuckboi billy:** NO

**good dad rich:** *narrator voice* it, in fact, was him sexting

**fuckboi billy:** it worked didn’t it

**good dad rich:** ok but ima slut

**bevenly marsh:** no :(

**ben handsome:** i cant believe bill denbrough likes dick

**fuckboi billy:** i have never touched a dick

**bevenly marsh:** what???

**good dad rich:** i can confirm

**mikestand hanlon:** bill!!

**ed die clapback:** BLOCKED

**grandpa stan:** Stand up for your damn self, Richard.

**good dad rich:** D8

**fuckboi billy:** why am i being attacked

**bevenly marsh:** bc youre clearly a fucking terrible sex partner

**ben handsome:** heterosexual after all then

**ed die clapback:** oof

**fuckboi bill:** ffs fine richie get over here and let me blow u

**good dad rich:** what

**good dad rich:** no

**mikestand hanlon:** no?

**ben handsome:** plot twist damn

**good dad rich:** i don’t partake in the receiving of sex

**ed die clapback:** never?

**ed die clapback:** do. not. make. a. joke. about. my. mother.

**ben handsome:** eddie kaspbrak has 99 problems and richie tozier’s jokes about his mom is about 72 of them

**ed die clapback:** fact

**good dad rich:** not even with your mom eds

**good dad rich:** i am emotionally unaviable as bill would say

**ed die clapback:**?????????

**fuckboi billy:** its true he really is

**bevenly marsh:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**bevenly marsh:** WITH WHOM

**good dad rich:** well i mean in general I Have Bad Emotion Skills

**good dad rich:** i like to fuck out my feelings in theory but when the person goes to touch me back i basically run away flapping my hands like a bird

**fuckboi billy:** its true i once grazed his boner by accident and he screamed

**mikestand hanlon:** i know that’s not funny but i am laughing so hard

**fuckboi billy:** its not funny at all i was so high and i got so fucking scared i cried

**mikestand hanlon:** that makes it funnier tbh

**grandpa stan:** End it.

**good dad rich:** end what?

**grandpa stan:** Yes.

**good dad rich:** i- ok


	15. ~~~Eddie Kaspbrak Do Not Interact~~~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternatively titled eddie baby im sorry an ugly ass hoe would do this to you part two

**Eddie Kaspbrak >>> Richie Tozier**

**eds <3: **why are you avoiding me

**rich!:** im not

**rich!:** i would never avoid my little eddie spaghetti

**eds <3:** do not lie to me you mother fucker

**rich!:** you bet i am 8,)

**eds <3: **winky faces with glasses do not work

**rich!:** i know 8’(

**eds <3: **THAT’S NOT THE POINT

**eds <3: **WHY ARE AVOIDING ME BITCH

**rich!:** im not

**eds <3: **richie!

**rich!:** ok ok i might be a little embarrassed

**eds <3: **of what??

**rich!:** well it just pretty much got exposed that i’ve been going down on my straight best friend for weeks without reproication because im terrified that if he touches me ima going to fall in love with A Het™ and basically my life is falling apart and i never wanted anybody to know those things haha

**eds <3: **oh

**eds <3: **rich :(

**eds <3: **you don’t need to be embarrassed about that? i mean its not ideal but that kind of stupid shit happens.

**rich!:** i know i just…. had rules yeah know. like one rule. never fall for a straight boy.

**eds <3: **didn’t stan tell you that when you came out

**rich!:** yeah

**eds <3: **so are like in love with bill

**rich!:** no

**rich!:** but like i have the potential to be

**rich!:** idk maybe its like? hes the only person that wants to be with me in some way??

**eds <3: **richie no :((((

**rich!:** i no

**eds <3: **come over stan and i will get you ice cream

**rich!:** no no i don’t want stan to know

**rich!:** he’ll be Dissapointed™

**eds <3: **richie no he wont be ?

**rich!:** he’s always disappointed in me

**eds <3: **well i mean maybe when do stupid shit like lick bus windows on a dare or fall off railings

**rich!:** or fool around with your straight best friend

**eds <3: **no! i really don’t think youre giving stan enough credit

**eds <3: **if anything he’s probably disappointed in bill for being so fucking stupid and easy

**rich!:** wow? thanks eddie

**eds <3: **nononononono that sounded a lot worse than intended

**rich!:** you know not everybody can be a fucking gold star gay like you eddie. not everybody can be fucking smart and savvy when it comes to liking people, okay? people make mistakes.

**rich!:** theres no fucking need to throw it back in people’s faces dick

**eds <3: **oh mother fuck are you kidding i am very much NOT smart and savvy when it comes to love ffs

**rich!:** oh really hows that

**eds <3: **well i fucking fell in love with you now didn’t i!??!!

_Seen by Richie Tozier at 2:34pm_

**eds <3: **FUCK

**Intersectional Feminism ONLY (5:04pm)**

**bevenly marsh:** it sure is quiet in this chillis tonight

**grandpa stan:** It’s quiet in my house, too, actually. A very significant absence of noise.

**bevenly marsh:** oh worm? where is richard?

**fuckboi billy:** he was uh here earlier

**bevenly marsh:** ew

**fuckboi billy:** shut up he was weird

**grandpa stan:** Weird how?

**fuckboi billy:** uh

**bevenly marsh:** ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

**Bill Denbrough >>> Stanley Uris**

**Bill:** tell me if this is tmi

**Stanley:** If you have to say that, it probably is.

**Bill:** stan

**Stanley:** Yes, sorry. Please proceed.

**Bill:** richie came over here and he was like really Really Upset about something and he ?

**Bill:** asked me to fuck him

**Bill:** like literally begged me

**Stanley:** You didn’t, did you!?!?

**Bill:** no wtf!!!!! stan ofc i didn’t

**Stanley:** No, I suppose that would make you gay, wouldn’t it?

**Bill:** there it is i’ve been waiting for this

**Bill:** that’s unfair

**Stanley:** Is it?

**Bill:** yeah it is stanley? i never ugh

**Stanley:** Okay, Bill, whatever.

**Bill:** you know this is exactly what i didn’t want to tell any of you. you’ll all so fucking hard for him that you’d all fucking attack me

**Stanley:** Is that actually what you think is going on?

**Bill:** isn’t it

**Stanley:** No, William. It’s not. Nobody is “attacking” you for fooling around with the person they like. I’m “attacking” you because you’re fooling around with our best friend while still publicly and privately maintaining the idea that you’re heterosexual, probably reminding him of it regularly of it as well, and it seems you enforced it as a secret while you maintain the idea that nobody has feelings for him while you know there’s multiple people that do and would actually be with him publicly instead of having him give them handjobs while they’re intoxicated.

**Stanley:** So, really, you’re feeling “attacked” because you’re being a world class piece of fucking shit, and you know it.

**Bill:** you don’t know anything about whats going on stan but go off i guess

**Stanley:** I know more than you give me credit for. I’ve seen how Richie has been acting the last few weeks, Bill. Touch starved, more attention seeking than ever? You think that’s a coincidence?

**Stanley:** Coincidences don’t exist.

**Bill:** you know what maybe i’ll just point out now that when richie ran from my room crying after i wouldn’t have sex with him while he clearly upset it wasn’t me he was calling a fucking asshole

**Bill:** it was kaspbrak so get the fuck off my back and maybe let richie pin you down on yours like you clearly want you preachy pretentious virgin

_Bill Denbrough no longer has permission to chat with Stanley Uris_

**Intersectional Feminism ONLY** (7:57pm)

**mikestand hanlon:** alright enough

**mikestand hanlon:** i don’t know how the four of you could have known each other for so long and still have absolutely no grasp on each others’ thoughts and feelings at all.

**mikestand hanlon:** im sick of it

**ed die clapback:** are we about to be dragged

**ben handsome:** im pretty sure youre about to get dragged straight to hell

**mikestand hanlon:** i don’t even know if i have the patience to drag you

**mikestand hanlon:** all four of you are idiots

**bevenly marsh:** do it mike it’s what they deserve

**fuckboi billy:** no need to drag me mike stan already ripped my fucking asshole open then blocked me

**fuckboi billy:** ive never hated myself more :)

**grandpa stan:** I can promise it’s not as much as I hate you right now.

**bevenly marsh:** damn stanley chill

**grandpa stan:** No.

**ben handsome:** what is going on :(((

**grandpa stan:** I don’t know. Ask William.

**bevenly marsh:** im about to yet one jealous mf out of this gc

**grandpa stan:** I am not jealous, Beverly. I’m pissed the fuck off. I always knew Bill made some jealousable decisions but I did think he some moral standards.

**good dad rich:** you know this is second time today i’ve had to read that i’m some gross slut and bill should have known better thanks youre all such great friends

**grandpa stan:** Richie that’s not what I was saying at all. I would never say that about you because it’s not true. None of my anger is towards you.

**good dad rich:** so what youre mad at billy for fucking around with me

**grandpa stan:** I’m mad at Bill because he’s fucking with your head and leading you on and he knows he’s doing it

**good dad rich:** ha i know exactly what things are like with billy.

**good dad rich:** if anybody is fucking with my head and leading me on its eddie

**ed die clapback:** what! the! fuck!

**good dad rich:** what else would you call that bullshit text earlier than eddie.

**bevenly marsh:** omg omg omg omg mike look what you did

**mikestand hanlon:** i,,, don’t know what i expected but it was not this much explosive drama

**ed die clapback:** do you ever take fucking anything at face value richard or do you just assume everything is designed to be as belittling and misleading as it possibly could be

**ed die clapback:** do you actually think that little of yourself

**grandpa stan:** Bill.

**fuckboi billy:** FUCK OFF STANLEY

**good dad rich:** enough stan i can promise i thought “that little about myself” long before i started jerking bill off.

**good dad rich:** probably why i started doing it to begin with

**grandpa stan:** Oh, look. There it is, exactly what I’d been saying. There you go, Bill. Satisifed now?

**ben handsome:** yall are going to give me a panic attack

**bevenly marsh:** there is way too much chaotic energy rn i cant do this

**fuckboi billy:** why don’t shut the holy mother fucking fuck up Stanley and mind your own fucking business for once in life. focus on your own issues like how it seems like eddie told richie how he felt and they’ll probably get together and you can die alone

**ed die clapback:** bill!

**bevenly marsh:** bill calm the FUCK down jfc

**ben handsome:** that was really low blow bill fuck

**fuckboi billy:** he’s been fucking ripping in at me all afternoon basically calling me an abusiver of richie and what? im supposed to just deal with that bullshit

**fuckboi billy:** fuck that i’m tired of him acting like he’s so much better than me he can fuck off

**mikestand hanlon:** nah guys im with billy on this one **.** he crossed a line absolutely but stan has been really hard on him. he didn’t do anything to purposely hurt richie

**ed die clapback:** so what? not meaning to hurt somebody means that the pain you cause doesn’t matter?

**good dad rich:** CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I’M NOT HERE FUCK

**ben handsome:** im turning this chat on do not disturb before my lungs implode

**bevenly marsh:** my head hurts so much

**good dad rich:** you’ll all just fucking sitting here talking about how i feel and who i am and nobody is listening to how i feel

**ed die clapback:** okay

**grandpa stan:** How do you feel then, Richie?

**good dad rich:** oh i didn’t think somebody was actually going to ask

**good dad rich:** uhm

**good dad rich:** i feel like i need to get fucking wasted

**grandpa stan:** come over

**good dad rich:** okay 8D

**good dad rich:** *Eddie Kaspbrak Do Not Interact*

**ed die clapback:** wtf i live here

**good dad rich:** EDDIE KASPBRAK DO NOT INTERACT


	16. stan's a man *cum emoji*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben: eddie stan and richie were like a week away from being three happy boyfriends and then bam
> 
> Ben: angsty subplot

**Stanley Uris >>> Richie Tozier **

**Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** It’s been a week, are you ever going to stop ignoring Eddie?

 **Rich’s a Bitch *devil emoji*:** its been a week are you ever going to talk to bill?

 **Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** It’s hardly the same thing. Bill and I were both extremely rude to each other and had a genuine fight. Eddie did nothing wrong and you decided to cut him out of your life, which makes my life difficult as well I might add.

 **Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** There’s really no reason for you to be mad at Eddie. I think you’d be a lot happier if you just talk to him.

 **Rich’s a Bitch *devil emoji*:** you don’t actually believe what he said to me like ?? its clearly bullshit

 **Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** As the person who shares a space with Eddie Kaspbrak pretty much 24/7, I can confirm it’s not bullshit, Richie. You should talk to him.

 **Rich’s a Bitch *devil emoji*:** you should talk to bill. he was a fucking dick but you really did start it.

 **Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** I do not want to talk to Bill.

 **Rich’s a Bitch *devil emoji*:** stan are you really any position to be mad at bill for keeping hooking up a secret from the group

 **Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** That’s not what I’m mad at Bill for, Richie, but thank you for the personal drag.

 **Rich’s a Bitch *devil emoji*:** i mean, not the same thing but you and i…

 **Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** Yes Richard, I know where you are going with this

 **Rich’s a Bitch *devil emoji*:** js js

 **Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** Talk to Eddie.

 **Rich’s a Bitch *devil emoji*:** No.

 **Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** You’re such a stubborn ass bitch. I hate you.

 **Rich’s a Bitch *devil emoji*:** you wanna go to the movies tonight?

 **Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** Yeah, meet you there at 7.

**BIG GAY CRISIS (6:26am)**

**Beverly:** this has been the worst most awkward week

 **Eddie:** ive had three breakdowns this week i cannot believe i told richie i was in love with him and he just assumed i was lying and cut me out of his life

 **Eddie:** never in my worst fantasies about telling richie the truth would end with him not believing me

 **Ben:** I hate when we all fight we’ve become like 2 2 and 3 i hate it

 **Eddie:** do you think stan and richie are together

 **Beverly:** eddie don’t go down that road dude

 **Ben:** you literally live with stan don’t you think youd know if he was dating richie

 **Eddie:** richie doesn’t meet him at the house anymore stan goes to meet him or they hang at the toziers and everytime i try to talk about him and richie stan just clams up or changes the subject to me and richie and i just ugh

 **Ben:** if stan and richie were dating i doubt stan would talk about your relationship with richie

 **Eddie:** what relationship with richie i don’t even have a friendship with richie anymore

 **Beverly:** richie will get over it eddie he’s just,,,,, richie-ing out rn. he’s the most fucking insecure person ever and im not surprised he didn’t believe you when you told him over text that you were in love with him while you guys were fighting.

 **Eddie:** well what i was supposed to do then stand up on a table in the caf and scream my undying love for him in front of everybody

 **Ben:** that would be so romantic

 **Bevely:** ben no

 **Eddie:** would it?

 **Beverly:** EDDIE NO

**Intersectional Feminism ONLY (11:43am)**

**fuckboi billy:** no offense but uh

 **fuckboi billy:** what the fuck just happened

 **grandpa stan:** Eddie, are you okay?

 **ed die clapback:** no

 **fuckboi billy:** also richie are you okay

 **good dad rich:** very much no

 **bevenly marsh:** to be completely fair i told him not to

 **ben handsome:** i encouraged him in the name of romanctic movies but i did not think i’m sorry

 **good dad rich:** im going to get beat so bad wtf were you thinking eddie

 **ed die clapback:** i obviously wasn’t thinking richie i just wanted you to stop ignoring me

 **good dad rich:** and your most logical reasoning was to call me out publicily in a cafetria full of students included the prick that has made me his main target in his internalized homophobic bashings

 **fuckboi billy:** this does not seem like a gc friendly conversation

 **grandpa stan:** No, let them go off. It’s the least amount of conversation.

 **ed die clapback:** i forgot about that shit with Patrick richie

 **good dad rich:** lucky you????

 **ed die clapback:** im sorry okay

 **good dad rich:** don’t you think this joke has gone on long enough eddie just fuck off

 **ed die clapback:** do you seriously still believe after everything i said today that im bullshitting you?

 **good dad rich:** after today eddie im pretty fucking sure you hate my guts

 **ed die clapback:** you know what believe what ever the FUCK you want. not everything people do is meant to fucking ruin your life.

 **good dad rich:** you just gave my life long harasser more ammunition to beat me and what is it you want me to do? kiss you and tell you i love you like some shitty b list movie? fuck offfff kaspbrak you don’t get it at all do you

 **good dad rich:** all ive done in last YEAR was try to get you to love me back eddie. and you’ve made it into a fucking joke and frankly kind of a nightmare.

 **bevenly marsh:** whoop there it is

  **ed die clapback:** what

 **good dad rich:** eddie are you really this fucking blind or are you just cruel

 **ed die clapback:** im going with fucking blind bc i have no fucking idea what youre talking about

 **good dad rich:** Eddie. I have been like, in love with you since we were twelve. and ive tried so fucking hard to get your attention. i’ve been flirting with you and declaring how much i love you for five years. and you know what? id given up. i had truly accepted that nothing was ever going to happen between us. then you come flying in, telling me you’re fucking in love with me while also implying that bill is stupid for fooling around with me? THEN you stand up in the cafetria and shout out about loving me forever and now im going to get fucking beat to shit after school because of you??? do you realize how big a target you’ve put a bigger target your own back now too eddie?

 **good dad rich:** ive thought for years that this is what i wanted, that you telling me how much you loved me and wanted to be with me would be the most perfect moment of my life but you ruined it.

 **ben handsome:** that’s the most heartbreaking thing i’ve ever read what the ufkc

**Mike Hanlon >> Ben Hanscom, Beverly Marsh**

**Mike:** this is fucking painful

 **Beverly:** there are all hurting so much i wanna cry

 **Ben:** i’ve never felt so helpless honestly i want to make things better

 **Mike:** I guess we should have known this would happen eventually

 **Mike:** i sort of didn’t expect bill to be all caught up in it but i guess i shouldn’t be surprised

 **Beverly:** a very incestuous group they have there

 **Ben:** i think this bill and richie shit kinda messed a lot of stuff up

 **Ben:** eddie stan and richie were like a week away from being three happy boyfriends and then bam

 **Ben:** angsty subplot

 **Beverly:** im still honestly so shocked about bill and richie i mean? i cant believe it

 **Beverly:** i was blown away

 **Mike:** you know i was shocked at first but then i thought about it and

 **Mike:** i don’t know if im shocked about it anymore? like it might kinda add up some thing i didn’t get before so

 **Mike:** do you think stan and richie have fooled around too?

 **Ben:** No!

 **Beverly:** no no no i do not  

 **Ben:** stan is not the hook up time

 **Mike:** hm ok wanna put your money where your mouths are

 **Beverly:** *eyes emoji*


	17. *17 eyes emojis*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i get the biggest rush of adrenaline everytime i write stenbrough fighting so they're probably not making up any time soon just a heads up

**the sane three (4:01pm)**

**Beverly:** so what are the stakes bitches

**Ben:** with everything that’s going on right now do you think this is the best time to meddle in the hot mess of streddie

**Mike:** there will never be a more perfect time to meddle

**Ben:** we’re going to regret this

**Beverly:** oh yeah

**Mike:** definitely.

**Bill Denbrough >>> Richie Tozier**

**billy boy:** can we talk please

**richie rich:** you can always talk to me billy

**billy boy:** im so mad at stanley

**richie rich:** except about that

**billy boy:** what srsly

**billy boy:** you actually think he’s right

**richie rich:** no i think he’s incredibly wrong but he’s still stan  

**billy boy:** do you like him bc i thought you were in love with kaspbrak

**richie rich:** and welcome to my eternal struggle thou looking at eds sort of makes me want to throw up rn so

**billy boy:** oh yeah about that i think you need to apologize to eddie

**richie rich:** pardon

**billy boy:** you were kind of a dick to him about it he put himself out there and you tore him apart

**richie rich:** im not ready to forgive him yet

**billy boy:** and im not ready to forgive stan yet either

**richie rich:** its not the same

**billy boy:** ur right it’s not

**billy boy:** stan personally attacked me and eddie declared for everybody we know that he’s in love with you it’s not even close to the same thing

**richie rich:** only eddie and stan have even the smallest idea of the effects of what eddie just did

**richie rich:** and even then they don’t know enough

**billy boy:** well maybe if you opened up even once about anything in your life then that wouldn’t fucking happen to you.

**richie rich:** oh yeah yeah great thank you for the attack on My Issues™

**billy boy:** well you’ve got a lot of issues

_Seen by Richie Tozier at 4:15 pm_

**billy boy:** alright richard listen. you have been pining over eddie kaspbrak since you were nine years old. nine years old. and at least 70% of what you’re doing right now is deflection out of fear of his confession of loving you. bc if you accept that as true and let yourself believe it you can get hurt. but you won’t open up and let him in and you’re just getting hurt anyway.

**billy boy:** i just want you to get your damn shit together richie its time to grow up and start making adult decisions.

_Bill Denbrough no longer has permission to chat with Richie Tozier._

**Intersectional Feminism ONLY (4:22pm)**

**fuckboi billy** : alright since TWO of you weak bitches have blocked me from private message it seems ive been left with no choice but to do a call out post.

**mikestand hanlon:** two???

**good dad rich:** yo

**mikestand hanlon:** daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn

**grandpa stan:** What? Really?

**ben handsome:** stozier really be ride or die eh

**good dad rich:** i mean ya but whats that got to do with be not talking to bill

**fuckboi billy:** i can confirmed richie not talking to me has significantly more to do with his undying love for eddie kaspbrak than anything with what he’s doing with Stanley

**grandpa stan:** Which is nothing.

**good dad rich:** which is nothing!

**fuckboi billy:** lies

**ben handsome:** lies

**ed die clapback:** lies and slander

**grandpa stan:** Even if we were lying- which we are not- that wouldn’t be slander. Slander is Bill telling people that we’ve done things when we haven’t.

**fuckboi billy:** omg you really are the most annoying pretentious mother fucker aren’t you i don’t know how i was ever friends with you

**grandpa stan:** Have you ever used punctuation in your entire life? I’d hate to see your stories.

**beveny marsh:** whoa whoa whoa wow too intense AGAIN

**fuckboi billy:** ur such a fucking asshole uris

**grandpa stan:** You’re such a fucking asshole, Uris.*

_Richie Tozier changed his nickname to bad bitch rich_

**ed die clapback:** is…. now the time for that

**bad bitch rich:** yeah i’m just going to let them duke it out at this point

**fuckboi billy:** oh wow a need to face basic fucking normal human emotion and richie’s emotionally stunted ass checks out of the conversation and starts memeing what a surprise

**bad bitch rich:** do you kiss your mother with that mother

**fuckboi billy:** no but you’ve begged for my dick with yours

**ben handsome:** whoa now

_Eddie Kaspbrak has left the group_

_Richie Tozier has left the group_

**grandpa stan:** Wow, Denbrough, classy.

**fuckboi billy:** suck my dick

**grandpa stan:** You know, I would, but I heard it’s not that impressive anyway.

**bevenly marsh:** hooooooooooooooooo my god.

**fuckboi billy:** hey take what you can get tozier doesn’t let people touch his so

**grandpa stan:** Now that’s just not true.

**grandpa stan:** Actual slander this time.

**mikestand hanlon:** *17 eyes emojis*

**bevenly marsh:** im so confused honestly what the fuck is even going on anymore

_Stanley Uris left the group_

**ben handsome:** i miss my favourite cereal

**mikestand hanlon:** hjfkaklghkjaf

 


	18. soft ben is dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm unable to end conflict so i just like???? add more conflict?? 
> 
> ALSO benchie is the best brotp ever suck my entire ass if you disagree like they're best friends in this fic and have been i just never had a chance to show it while writing all the streddie/bichie development so here have benchie benverly and hanbrough because they all fucking deserve it.

**the tozier luv club (5:06pm)**

**haystack:** so

 **bevvie:** oh Man this chat

 **eds:** this is going somewhere messy isn’t it

 **haystack:** today i was going to pick up some baking stuff from my mom at the grocery store because she didn’t want to walk in the rain so obviously i had to do it because i’m a good loving son.

 **eds:** obviously

 **haystack:** and who would i see sitting on the sidewalk outside the arcade in the rain you may ask

 **eds:** no

 **Stan the Man:** I’ve always hated this group chat, you know that, right?

 **haystack:** that’s right! and ofc i go over to him and what do you think i saw

 **bevvie:** ben is so done he’s about to spill some major ass apple cinnamon tea and drag some bitches

 **haystack:** (kicking ass and taking names babe)

 **eds:** did you just call bev babe

 **Stan the Man:** Who are you and what have you done with Benjamin Hanscom?

 **haystack:** both of you shut up and listen to the damn story

 **eds:** who are u

 **haystack:** SO HE WAS CRYING

 **eds:** he was crying????/

 **bevvie:** he cries a lot. trust. he just doesn’t want you guys to know.

 **bevvie:** im the one whos shoulder he sobbed on after eddies declaration in the caf because he didn’t want to get eddie killed

 **eds:** get me what now

 **Stan the Man:** Hockstetter.

 **eds:** oh :(

 **haystack:** ANY FUCKING WAYS

 **eds:** please don’t swear you’re scaring me

 **haystack:** be scared kaspbrak

 **bevvie:** soft ben is dead

 **bevvie:** rip

 **bevvie:** (ily)

 **eds:** what

 **haystack:** yes so i go over and i asked him whats wrong and he likes throws himself on me and he’s crying into shirt and do you know what he said to me

 **haystack:** DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID

 **Stan the Man:** I’m thinking that I don’t really want to know.

 **haystack:** “i’m going to loose the two people i love the most because i’m a dumb useless slut”

 **haystack:** i am shaking right now i’m going to slap the shit out of you BOTH

 **eds:** i’m going to fucking kill myself

 **Stan the Man:** That was never what either of were trying to say ever!

 **haystack:** i don’t give a single jack flap fuck

 **bevvie:** im wet

 **eds:** okay what the fuck beverly

 **Stan the Man:** Beep Beep Beverly?

 **haystack:** FIX YOUR SHIT

 **haystack:** if i ever have to hear or see richie refer to himself as a useless slut because YOU WANT TO KEEP FIGHTING WITH BILL FOR NO DAMN REASON i’m blocking you both i don’t care

 **bevvie:** oh no

 **Stan the Man:** I don’t really know how it’s any of your business

 **eds:** true tbh why are you getting involved

_Ben Hanscom is typing_

**bevvie:** NO MORE FUCKING FIGHTING HOYL SHIT ENOGUH

 **bevvie:** everybody fix your dumb ass shit until then i’m not talking to A N Y of you except mike

_Beverly Marsh removed Ben Hanscom, Eddie Kaspbrak and Stanley Uris from the group_

_Beverly Marsh has left the group_

**Mike Hanlon >>> Bill Denbrough**

**BIG MIKE:** have you gotten your head out of your ass yet

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** no

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** about what

 **BIG MIKE:** stan and richie and eddie

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** they’re all gay idiots and need to have some sort of three way make out session and let out of their sexual frustration?

 **BIG MIKE:** that’s not exactly what i meant but yeah you got the gist of it i guess

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** i love richie and eddie and i want them to be happy and things with richie were never serious it’s not like i’m in love with him i don’t understand why i’m suddenly the bad guy here i’m not stopping them from doing anything and i never would

 **BIG MIKE:** im going to ignore that implication that you don’t love Stanley you lying ass heterosexual

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** :/

 **BIG MIKE:** but i will say this

 **BIG MIKE:** you know you’re not in love with richie because for whatever reason you believe you’re straight even though you literally have had sex with a dude but are you sure richie isn’t in love with you

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** i am 10 000% sure he is not

 **BIG MIKE:** how can you be sure

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** i know it sounds stupid to you guys but if richie had even a bit of a crush on me he would’ve let me touch his dick i know that kid better than the back of my hand he would never ever ever let somebody be intitimate with his body unless he was in love with them and he’s in love with eddie hes always been saving himself for him

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** if richie was ever WITH somebody who wasn’t eddie he’d probably fall apart and spiral into a million pieces the damn sap

 **BIG MIKE:** oh my god it all makes sense holy fuck

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** what makes sense

 **BIG MIKE:** stan and richie fucked bill

 **BIG MIKE:** okay not fucked but like…. pretty much fucked

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** come again for big bill

 **BIG MIKE:** after richie disappeared with the fight with patrick and i guess in between eddie leaving and coming back, there was was sort of… heat of the moment incident. stan didn’t give me many details which is fine but it was pretty clear it was a mutual thing not like with you guys

 **BIG MIKE:** which is what stan’s last shadey comment towards you was that whole slander thing he was like throwing it in your face without telling you anything because nobody is pettier than Stanley uris

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** ah fuck fuck fuck no

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** i should’ve fucking known he’d been acting so weird this is what this fucking slut thing is about and why he rejected eddie and oh my fucking god

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** i have to fucknig talk to him but that mother fucker blocked me goddamn

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** STAN BLOCKED ME TOO THIS FUCKING IDIOTS I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

 **BIG MIKE:** first of all calm down because we don’t know anything bad even happened

 **(SLIGHTLY LESS) BIG BILL:** I Know.

 **BIG MIKE:** ok edgelord i’ll message him

**Mike Hanlon >>> Richie Tozier**

**Mike:** hey buddy how are you doing

 **Richie:** ur too late  

 **Mike:** pardon

 **Mike:** Richie??????????

 


	19. omg they are roommates!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this story may be coming to end soon :P maybe two or three more chapters for this storyline. 
> 
> i may do a sequel following up this but i'm starting to tie up the loose ends with richie/streddie in the last few chapters then might make a second one in this verse if you guys are interested because i love this verse lmao

**Rebecca Tozier >>> Eddie Kaspbrak**

**Rebecca** : have you seen richie

**Eddie** : i don’t know if you’ve noticed but richie and i haven’t exactly been tight lately

**Eddie** : you might want to ask bill or Stanley

**Rebecca** : bill denbrough is a useless lump and you know it

**Rebecca** : richie hasn’t been home in like two days and my parents aren’t too worried they’re all like you know your brother he does this sometimes but IM worried because he hasn’t even texted me back

**Eddie** : becks im sure hes fine he probably just crashed at a friends house

**Rebecca** : none of you or your loser friends are talking to each other

**Eddie** : nobodys mad at richie he’s fine its richie

**Rebecca** : the only people richie goes to when hes upset is you or Stanley so if you didn’t see him last night where was he staying Edward

**Eddie** : i wouldn’t worry about it becks honestly

**Rebeccca** : you wouldn’t worry about it or you don’t think i should worry about it

**Eddie** : whats that supposed to mean

**Rebecca** : nothing just that you’re really not the person i thought you were

**Rebecca** : i guess i knew that already thou with the amount of times in the last two weeks i’ve had to confront my crying brother because of you

**Eddie** : why are you attacking me like this rebecca? i don’t understand where youre even coming from

**Rebecca** : if something bad has happened to richie its your fault kaspbrak

**Eddie** : are you all you toziers this fucking dramatic

**Rebecca** : its our bisexual right.

**Eddie** : did you just come out to me

**Rebecca** : make me a rainbow cake later im mad at you

**Eddie** : it wont be rainbow it’ll just be blue purple and pink but yes we’re fighting youre right

**Eddie** : do you have logical reason to think that something is actually wrong with richie and he’s not just RichingOut?

**Rebecca** : i just have a Feeling™

**Eddie** : wow how in depth and significant i believe you now hes dead in a ditch

**Rebecca** : blocked

**Eddie** : do it tozier you wont do it

**Rebecca** : [iwonthesistatebitch.vine]

**Eddie** : for real i’m sure richie is vine

**Rebecca** : unfriended

**Stage Three Richie™ (5:04pm)**

**Mikey H** : okay losers time to put on your big kid pants

**Stanny U:**???

**Mikey H** : {screenshotsofconversationwithrichiech18]

**Mikey H** : want to explain what you know billiam

**Billy D** : I, no not really not here i don’t want to be attacked

**Benny H** : Stan and Bill your fight is on pause

**Eddie K** : is our fight also on pause ben

**Billy D** : you two are fighting? wtf

**Billy D** : i didn’t even know ben was capable of having a fight

**Benny H** : fuck you bill

**Billy D** : oh

**Bevvie M** : i don’t care about this drama anymore pls can we just not fucking fight pls

**Bevvie M** : whats up with richie bill?

**Billy D** : he fucked stan and now hes spiralling

**Benny H** : :o

**Eddie K** : ,,,,

**Bevvie M** : shit i owe mike five bucks

**Mikey H** : not now bev jfc

**Bevvie M** : right fair okay

**Stanny U:** You have absolutely no proof of this, William.

**Mikey H** : I told him stan

**Stanny U** : Oh. I see.

**Stanny U** : Well.

**Bevvie M** : i hope you know that since you knew about them fooling around all along im not giving you shit micholas

**Mikey H** : that’s fair and still not the point bev

**Eddie K** : why would sleeping with stan make richie spiral he was sleeping with you and didn’t

**Billy D:** he wasn’t sleeping with me! we had a no strings attached relationship i never even touched him bc he was saving himself for ~~you~~ eddie

**Eddie K** : and yet?

**Billy D** : no exactly that’s the point richie is a huge fucking sap and he always believed he’d have his first time with the person he loved and he ALWAYS thought that was you and then it happened with stan so hes really confused bc now he has to wonder if he loves stan the way he loves eddie and then everybody started fighting and he felt like it was being implied that he was slut for sleeping with bill but he felt like a slut for sleeping with stan bc he doesn’t know if hes in love with stan then eddie declared his stupid undying love at exactly the wrong time and by being with stan and being confused about how he feels for stan he feels like he betrayed eddie and doesn’t deserve either of them

**Stanny U** : You can’t possibly know all of that.

**Benny H** : well i mean that is pretty much what richie told me yesterday outside the arcade

**Eddie K** : becky told me that richie hasn’t been home in like two days

**Eddie K** : stan we need to find him

**Stanny U** : Why do we have to find him?

**Mikey H** : because you’re both in love with him and he’s in love with both of you, and the entire thing has been stupid as shit?

**Benny H** : im love you mike

**Mikey H:** im love you too ben

**Stanny U** : We don’t know that Richie is in love with me, he’s really confused and I think we need to give him space.

**Bevvie M:** Stan did you get to put richies dick in your mouth or like what happened

**Bevvie M:** was it butt stuff

**Stanny U:** OKAY EDDIE LETS GO FIND RICHIE SHIT DAMN FffUCK BEV

**Bevvie M** : I am like genuinely curious thou

Billy D: why can nobody in this friend group ever take a single thing seriously ever

**Stanny U** : Thank you, William

**Billy D:** yeah ur welcome

**Beverly Marsh >>> Bill Denbrough**

**first girlfriend:** do you ever think about how convient it would be for richie if he dated stan and eddie

**first boyfriend:** what do you mean

**first girlfriend:** they live together

**first boyfriend:** omg they were roommates!!!!!!!!!!!

**first girlfriend:** they ARE roomates

**first boyfriend:** omg they are roommates!!!!!!!!

**first girlfriend:** on a scale of one to ten how worried about richie are you rn

**first boyfriend:** 11.5

**first boyfriend:** he wasn’t at school today and if becky is messaging eddie then its bad

**first girlfriend:** ben saw him crying outside the arcade yesterday and i think that’s the last anybody saw him

**first boyfriend:** ….. you know who else wasn’t in school today

**first girlfriend:** at lot of people probably?

**first boyfriend:** patrick hockstetter

**first girlfriend:** motherfucking shit

**first boyfriend:** my calls are all going directly to voice mail and have been all day

**first girlfriend:** MOTHER FUCKING SHIT

**Stage Three Richie™** (6:11pm)

**Bevvie M:** hey random totally inreleveant question that has nothing to do with richie at all in any way but did anybody happen to see patrick hockstetter in the last like 24 hours

**Benny H:** that doesn’t seem very ireleveant at all

**Billy D:** neither him or richie were in school today nobodys seen richie since you saw him last night at the arcade

**Benny H:** so would now be a bad time to mention that bowers gang was also hanging around the arcade yesterday

**Bevvie M:** M O T H E R   F U C K I N G   S H I T

**Mikey H:** no guys richie texted me today

**Billy D:** how do you know it was richie

**Mikey H:** that’s dramatic bill

**Benny H:** guys if Patrick actually does have richie then hes officially snapped

**Bevvie M:** yeah obviously ben thanks

**Benny H:** and we just might have just sent stan and eddie right to him  

**Billy D:** if he fucking touches them i’ll kill him

**Bevvie M:** ok ok but we don’t know that they’ll even find them

**Billy D:** what was it richie said when eddie confessed that he liked him in the caf

**Billy D:** it was something about putting a bigger target on his back or smth

**Benny H:** bev you told me yourself that richie was afraid that he was going to get eddie killed

**Bevvie M:** i thought he was being dramatic!! like i know Patrick is capable of murder but i didn’t think he was CAPABLE of MURDER yaknow

**Billy D:** the only person who knows how bad things really are between richie and Patrick is stan AND HE’S NOT FUCKING ANSWERING

**Billy D:** @Stanley Uris

**Billy D:** @Stanley Uris

**Billy D:** @Stanley Uris !!!!

**Stanny U:** OKAY!!!!!! WHAT!!!!

**Billy D:** read above uris

**Stanny U:** You think Patrick has Richie? That’s really really bad if it’s true.

**Billy D:** thanks genius we were kinda hoping you’d shed some insight to exactly how bad things are between them

**Stanny U:** I can’t really tell you guys anything about that. It’s not my place.

**Billy D:** IS NOW THE TIME FOR THE MORAL HIGH ROAD

**Stanny U** : I’M NOT GOING TO TELL EVERYBODY RICHIE’S PERSONAL BUSINESS.

**Stanny U** : Trust me, Bill, if this was your secret, you wouldn’t want everybody knowing.

**Billy D:** I would if it would save my life from my abuser!

**Billy D:** is richie’s secret worth his life?

_Stanley Uris is typing…._


	20. new chat new plotline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pffff as if i could ever truly abandon this verse

**Stage Three Richie™ (6:17pm)**

**Stanny U** : I’m sorry you guys, I just really can’t tell you.

**Richie Tozier >>> Eddie Kaspbrak**

**Richie:** did u mean it

**Eddie** : RICHIE OMG WHERE ARE YOU HOLY FUCK

**Richie** : eddie.

**Richie** : did u mean it

**Eddie** : did i mean what

**Richie** : when you said you were in love with me

**Eddie** : richie ffs

**Eddie** : of course i fucking did

**Richie** : ok

**Richie** : im downstairs

**Eddie** : wait hold on

**Eddie** : downstairs as in in the same house as me rn

**Richie** : ye

**Eddie** : FUCK OMG

_Eddie Kaspbrak took a screenshot!!_

**Stage Three Richie(™) (6:22pm)**

**Eddie K:** SO

**Eddie K:** [screenshotofconvowithrich.jpg]

**Eddie K:** fucking bastard is watching the office on the damn couch

**Eddie K:** looks terrible thou yikes

**Bevvie M** : this….

**Bevvie M** : we already did this

**Bevvie M:** this already happened

**Benny H** : where has he been for two days?

**Eddie K:** u think i’m going to get a straight answer out of richie no he just wants me to tell him who i think each character in the office is out of us

**Bevvie M** : bill is michael scott

**Eddie K** : damn tru

**Billy D:** yo wtf

**Stanny U:** How does he keep getting into the house!? **!**

**Mikey H** : Is he okay?

**Eddie K:** erm- debatable.

 

**Richie Tozier created a new conversation (6:43pm)**

_Richie Tozier added Eddie Kaspbrak, Stanley Uris, Ben Hanscom, Mike Hanlon, Beverly Marsh and Bill Denbrough to the chat_

**Richie:** [selfie.jpg]

**Richie:** i livd bitch

_Richie Tozier renamed the conversation THE SE7EN WONDERS_

**Beverly** : *molly weasley voice* WHERE ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN?

**Richie** : ive been out living my worst life

**Richie** : but now im with my eds and im living my best life

**Eddie** : you keep wheezing because you cant breathe

**Richie** : i’m living my Best Eds Life

**Eddie** : that’s so fucking funny asswhipe wow

**Stanley:** Richie, are you okay? I’ll be home in like twenty minutes and you need to get ahold of your parents.

**Richie:** by my parents u mean my sister and we both know it.

**Richie** : they’ll see that i’m alive when i get home now come cuddle me and eds

**Beverly** : ok no

**Beverly** : we have done this exact thing before

**Richie** : new chat new plot line beverly

**Eddie** : yeah beverly g-d

**Mike** : leave the fourth wall alone bev!

**Stanley:** I hate this family.  

**Bill:** @eddie @richie are you guys dating or what

**Richie** : why bill

**Richie** : ya jealous

**Bill** : ugh hate nvm idc

**Ben** : I kind of care

**Eddie** : we are not… not dating

**Beverly** : oh my god this is going to be fucking unbearable isnt it

**Stanley** : Yeah.

**Mike** : I dont even care tbh progress is progress

**Mike** : at least they’re talking now

**Richie** : and all it took was some light stabbing

**Stanley** : YOU WERE STABBED?

**Richie** : lightly stabbed

**Richie** : i didnt wanna worry you

**Stanley** : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 EIDDIE

**Bill** : whoa stan snapped

**Eddie:** I DIDN’T KNOW OKAY JFC I’LL LOOK AT IT RN CHILL OUT

**Eddie** : ok hahahahahahahaa who is closer than 20 mins away and can take rich and to the hospital haha

**Ben** : im already in my car be there in 3

**Bill Denbrough >>> Eddie Kaspbrak** (11:41pm)

**billy <3: **hey buddy hows it going

**eddie <3**: hes gonna be fine

**eddie <3:** he lost a lot of blood and the docs wanna keep him here over night for obvious reasons but his dad is here now and they don’t think theres any serious damage

**eddie <3:** the doctors are pissed that it took two days to get him into a hospital and tbh so i am but richie keeps saying he doesnt know who did it even though i know it was patrick

**eddie <3: **but its not like i can be like oh i suspect  it was this guy but i dont have any proof at all

**billy <3**: hes going to be okay and that’s the important thing

**eddie <3**: i know it is but it just drives me like he was missing for days with A STAB WOUND BILL HE COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD AND WE LITERALLY DIDN’T EVEN TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT UNTIL TWO DAYS LATER OKAY WE’RE THE WORST FUCKING PEOPLE

**billy <3:** EDDIE JFC STOP SPIRALLING!

**billy <3**: you can’t go down that road okay it doesnt matter because it DIDNT HAPPEN. Hes going to be okay, and now we know just how bad things are with patrick so we can keep him safe

**eddie <3**: ok ok yes youre right and im just a very Stressed Boi™ and the hospital doesnt help

**billy <3**: why dont you go home eddie

**billy <3: **his parents are there now and are so stan and ben go home and get some sleep and come back with us tomorrow ?

**eddie <3:** i know that makes sense logically but like i do Not want to leave him

**eddie <3:** i almost lost him and i cant imagine leaving his side rn

**billy <3: **i get it.

**billy <3**: i couldnt imagine being in your place rn take care of yourself and ur boy<333

**eddie <3**: aH my bOY

**eddie <3**: im love

**eddie <3**: <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333


	21. im a bad bitch you cant kill me

**THE SE7EN WONDERS (2:37pm)**

 

**Richie** : i’m thinking of getting “im a bad bitch you can’t kill me” tattooed on my forehead.

 

**Richie** : that’s what corey feldman said after he got stabbed so it only seems fitting yo

 

**Ben:** god i love corey feldman

 

**Richie** : i have modeled everything about myself after his iconic 80s roles

 

**Richie** : mouth from the goonies and teddy duchamp in stand by me

 

**Mike** : that explains why you willingly got coke bottle glasses in 2013 and still wear them

 

**Richie** : u know it bby. i’ve wanted corey feldman to r*w me since i came outta the womb

 

**Richie** : anyway speaking of not dying- my loving father got me a present for surviving my stab wounds and night in the woods so @eddie my love my angel would you accompany me to chicago next weekend for sightseeing and hotel staying

 

**Richie** : (the only sight you’ll be seein is THIS DICK but  my father doesn’t need to know this.)

 

**Stan** : Richie, you and Eddie just got together. Don’t you want to appreciate it before you show him your dick and ruin it all?

 

**Eddie:** HAHA GET WRECK RICH

 

**Richie** : i cannot believe this betrayal. the two loves of my life

 

**Beverly** : you can’t have TWO loves of your life

 

**Richie** : bitch. fucking watch me.

 

**Beverly** : ok whatever idrc you do you i guess

 

**Stanley** : What is your issue, Beverly?

 

**Beverly** : i don’t have an issue stan jfc calm down

 

**Stanley** : I thought you a little more open minded than that

 

**Beverly** : I’m plenty open minded fuck off

 

**Stanley** : Apparently not.

 

**Bill** : stan don’t fucking start fights ok let’s just have a week of peace blease

 

**Stanley** : How am I starting fights, William? Beverly was the one making unnecessary comments.

 

**Richie** : fucking stop right the fuck now or i’m going to rip the stitches out of my stomach

 

**Eddie** : what the fuck richie

 

**Richie** : y’all can only get along when my life is danger so i’ll take one for the team

 

**Eddie** : >:/

 

**Ben** : Everybody just act right!

 

**Beverly Marsh >>> Richie Tozier **

 

**prince bev:** hey rich i’m sorry for snapping at u like that. if you love eddie and stan that’s totally valid and tbh i’ve been rooting for you this whole time and i’m just a Mess™ rn and i took it out on your relationship and i shouldn’t have

 

**princess rich** : BEV! i love u! i know you didn’t mean that and tbh stan is just extra sensitive about it but it’s a huge elephant in the room and nobody is talking about it but i’m not ready so he’s not pushing

 

**princess rich** : but what’s wrong babe talk to daddy

 

**prince bev** : dear fucking god absolutely not if you’re going to call yourself that

 

**princess rich** : bev i stg everybody is going to keep treating me like some fragile ass flower and “protect me” from everything in their lives please just be real w me

 

**prince bev** : i’m pregnant

 

**princess rich** : oh my fucking god are you serious

 

**prince bev** : as teen pregnancy :)

 

**princess rich:** bev wtf i didn’t even know you were seeing anybody ????  

 

**prince bev:** i’m not i just…. about two months ago… a buddy of mine was talking about how he didn’t want to go into senior year a virgin so i… volunteered to be his first time

 

**princess rich** : a buddy of yours….

 

**prince bev:** yes

 

**princess rich:** does this buddy of yours have a name

 

**prince bev** : yep

 

**princess rich** : beverly

 

**prince bev:** it sounds like you already know ANYHOW

 

**princess rich** : hmmmmmm i need you to tell me.

 

**prince bev** : it was ben ok ru happy now

 

**princess rich** : *upside down smiley*

 

**THE SE7EN WONDERS** (3:15pm)

 

**Richie** : hey what’s your guys favourite condom brands?

 

**Beverly** : omg blease

 

**Eddie** : richie i already TOLD you we’re not having sex until after you get your stitches out! it’s too dangerous!

 

**Beverly** : ooof

 

**Richie** : WOW

 

**Richie** : that was NOT where i was going with that but Thank You Eddie.

 

**Eddie** : thkagsksvehsbakwkklljf

 

**Ben** : where were you going with it then

 

**Richie** : ~~~~you~~~~~~

 

**Ben** : ?????

 

**Ben** : I’ve never bought condoms before

 

**Richie** : DONT I KNOW IT

 

**Eddie** : what is happening?

 

**Beverly** : so eddie are you and richie just abstaining because of the stitches or is it also because it freaks you out that stan touched it

 

**Richie** : oh okay we all know that now thanks for INFORMING ME

 

**Eddie** : Yeah that doesn’t bother me at all, and you know that, Beverly, so why don’t you just chill out the bitch level back to a reasonable five please.

 

**Ben** : what is happening

 

**Bill** : idk but personally i don’t buy trojans bc it’s a historically ironic name that makes me mistrust them

 

**Richie** : ^^^^^^^^^^ yes

 

**Bill** : rich since when have you ever used a condom

 

**Richie** : well big bill if i were to ever to HAVE SEX i would use a condom to prevent against stds or PREGNANCY even if it were my FIRST TIME

 

**Ben** : ……………

 

**Ben Hanscom >>> Beverly Marsh **

 

**angel baby boy** : hey haha what is going on

 

**queen of everything** : nothing. richie is just a fucking idiot

 

**angel baby boy** : are you sure beverly

 

**queen of everything** : yes 100% everything is fine

 

**angel baby boy** : …. alright.

 

**THE SE7EN WONDERS** (5:18pm)

 

**Bill** : richie u can’t get pregnant

 

**Richie** : u don’t know that

 

**Bill** : i’ve literally felt your boner pressed into my thigh i think i do know that

 

**Richie** : NOT IN THIS TIMELINE

 

**Richie** : no canon anymore

 

**Bill** : ???? ucan’t just say that about stuff u don’t like

 

**Richie** : mmmmmm i do what i want wilhelm

 

_Eddie Kaspbrak changed the nickname for Bill Denbrough to wilhelm_

 

**Richie:** omg gay tag teaming :’)

 

**Eddie** : :*

 

**Richie** : :$

 

**Bill** : ew i’m vomiting

 

**Mike** : jealousy doesn’t look good on u billyboy

 

**Bill** : WOW

 

**Stanley** : WASTED

  


**Stanley Uris >>> Richie Tozier **

 

**Stan’s a Man** : So, Ben got Beverly pregnant?

 

**Rich is a Bitch** : erm u didn’t hear it from me

 

**Stan’s a Man** : We all heard it from you. You made it incredibly obvious.

 

**Rich is a Bitch** : yes but i didn’t SAY it

 

**THE SE7EN WONDERS** (10:09pm)

 

_Bill Denbrough changed the nickname for Richie Tozier to richel_

 

_Bill Denbrough changed the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to edmund_

 

_Bill Denbrough changed the nickname for Beverly Marsh to bethany_

 

_Bill Denbrough changed the nickname for Mike Hanlon to mitchell_

 

_Bill Denbrough changed the nickname for Ben Hanscom to benson_

 

_Bill Denbrough changed the nickname for Stanley Uris to staniel_

 

**wilhelm** _:_ if i have to exist with a stupid ass nickname so do all of u

 

**benson** : mine makes me think of icarly

 

**benson** : :o omg eddie you’re literally freddie benson

 

**staniel** : Oh boy

 

**edmund** : boi you better not!!!!!!

 

_Bill Denbrough changed the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to fredward_

 

**fredward** _:_ i wish i was dead

 

**richel** : stop wishing u were dead and come make out instead

 

**fredward** : k :)))))))

  
  
  



	22. i know only hanbrough

**THE SE7EN WONDERS (1:21pm)**

 

**richel** : hey so that BASTARD barton has decided that a stabbing and minor hypothermia is not an excuse for missing this much class so GUESS WHO GOT FAILED ON HIS MIDTERM HAHAHAHAHHA

 

**fredward** : im going to walk to his classroom right the fuck now and fight him

 

**fredward** : thats my boyfriend fool

 

**richel** : awww bby <333 fighting men for my honour

 

**mitchell** : canon reddie is disgusting

 

**wilhelm** : ^^^

 

**staniel** : ^^

 

**bethany** : stop being HATERS they’re IN LOVE and THEY'RE HAPPY DAMN

 

**bethany** : otp goals

 

**mitchell** : richie was literally stabbed in order for them to get their shit together i feel like theres got to be better goals

 

**wilhelm** : goals will be when they stop dancing around it and start dating stan too

 

**staniel** : *upside down smiley face*

 

**bethany** : haha dragged

 

**richel** : hardly dragged we’re a slowburn bby we know whats gotta happen will happen

 

**richel** : UNLIKE MY APUSH MARKS SINCE BARTON FELT IT IMPORTANT TO COME DOWN TO VISIT ME IN MY HOSPITAL ROOM AND TELL ME I’M CURRENTLY PULLING A 38% EVEN THOUGH I HAD A 86% BEFORE THIS MIDTERM HE WON’T LET ME MAKE UP

 

**richel** : EVEN THOUGH I WAS L I T E R A L L Y  STABBED.

 

**staniel** : That’s such bullshit. He can’t do that. Go see the counsellor.

 

**richel** : im already going to have to have weekly meeting with her so ill bring it up :) or ill drop outta school whichever comes first

**fredward** : youre not dropping out of school i dont date dropouts

 

**staniel** : Me neither.

 

**richel** : have you ever tried

 

**wilhelm** : i hate this so much just go make out and stfu please

 

**benson** : hey rich when do you get out of the hospital?

 

**richel** : tomorrow <3 then my sweet sweet angel baby boy and i are going to chicago for the weekend

 

**staniel** : Please do not do anything stupid.

 

**fredward** : we’re not going to be doing anything. He has 17 stitches.

 

**richel** : yep no sexy fun times for rich

 

**bethany** : gross

 

**benson** : you just said they were otp goals

 

**bethany** : nobody should have sex ever

 

**bethany** : only bad things happen

 

**benson** : *upside down smiley face*

 

**fredward** : damn bev chill why are you so damn moody

 

**bethany** : go FUCK yourself thats why

 

**richel** : hey Beverly

 

**richel** : wanna stop

 

**bethany** : yes sorry

 

**wilhelm** : what the fuck

 

**mitchell** : are we still going to the movies after school? The new anna kendrick movie looks amazing.

**wilhelm** : i’m in :) i just have to make sure georgie knows when the spare key is

 

**fredward** : i cannot go for I am going to see my bf :))))

 

**staniel** : You say that so excited as though I’m not going, too.

 

**richel** : maybe that’s WHY he’s so excited hmm stanley ever think of that

 

**staniel** : well since we live together and share a tiny bedroom, I’m very sure it’s not me he’s so excited to spend time with.

 

**fredward** : im always excited to spend time with you, stanny <3 youre my favourite human!

 

**staniel** : Well.

 

**mitchell** : ben and bev? Movies?

 

**bethany** : can’t.

 

**wilhelm** : anymore explanation other than that?

 

**bethany** : no.

 

**mitchell** : ah okay   
  


**mitchell** : ben?

 

**benson** : i am suddenly not feeling very social. Sorry guys.

 

**mitchell** : that’s okay, ben! Looks like it’s just you and me, billy.

 

**wilhelm** : cool

 

**richel** : it’s a date~~~~~

 

**wilhelm** : its not a date

 

**richel** : it COULD be a  date

 

**wilhelm** : mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm but it’s not

 

**staniel** : That’s a shame. It would be an honour to date Mike.

 

**mitchell** : Well, i’m available Stanny ;)

 

**richel** : *upside down smiley emoji* *knife emoji*

 

**mitchell** : yikes okay looks like it’s me n u bill

 

**wilhelm** : second choice to stan i see how it is

 

**staniel** : What else is new?

 

**wilhelm** : wow wow WOW

 

**richel** : hjhFKDJHGFKFHYBDAIUDBANBDGA4TBND,M STNALEY

 

**mitchell** : please dont kill bill i need somebody to go to the movie with me

 

**fredward** : ha. Kill Bill.

 

**wilhelm** : eddie ur not going to defend me ?

 

**fredward** : ……………………..

 

**fredward** : i liked you before i liked stan is that…. helps?

 

**richel** : this isn’t very straight behaviour william

 

**wilhelm** : new chat new plotline richard remember

 

**richel** : ah yes those are the facts

 

**Richie Tozier >> Eddie Kaspbrak**

 

**loml <3**: babe i have a favour before you come

 

**spaghetti baby <3**: i want you to know that i am understandably nervous about this request

 

**loml <3**: bev has a doctors appointment and she has to have somebody go with her as a support system and she can’t tell her aunt and i obviously cannot go so could you or stan please take her? Shes too nervous to actually ask herself

 

**spaghetti baby <3**: omg yes ofc we can take her is she okay?

 

**loml <3**: i mean yes she’s healthy and its just…. Its debatable.

**spaghetti baby <3**: youre taking this very seriously im impressed

 

**loml <3**: it is serious business my love i will see you later

 

**spaghetti baby <3**: <333333333333333333

 

**loml <3**: <333333333333333333

**THE SE7EN WONDERS (9:47pm)**

 

**fredward** : how was the date @mike @bill

 

**wilhelm:** it was not a date i am in love with anna kendrick

 

**wilhelm:** my queen my one and Only

 

**fredward** : understandable, have a nice day.

 

**mitchell** : it was so good! Even the plot twist were well done which is… amazing that never happens i was v v happy with the movie

 

**benson** : i wish i could have gone :(

 

**wilhelm** : you literally could have.

 

**benson** : no

 

**richel** : he didn’t wanna impose on your guys date

 

**richel** : hanbrough

 

**wilhelm** : oh my god is this the new thing

 

**benson** : absolutely

 

**bethany** : streddie who?

 

**bethany** : I know only hanbrough.

  



	23. the honeymoon phase <3

**THE SE7EN WONDERS (11:42am)**

**Staniel:** Ah. Life is so peaceful with Eddie and Richie out of town.

**Benson** : what he says; life is so peaceful with eddie and richie out of town.

**Benson** : what he means; im so bored and i miss my boyfriends

**Mitchel** : haha exposed

**Staniel** : That is slander.

**Bethany** : is it though

**Staniel** : Mostly. I am bored though.

**Staniel** : Mike and only Mike, do you want to hang out?

**Wilhelm** : back off *knife emoji*

**Richel** : *eyes emoji*

**Bethany** : It Returns.

**Mitchel** : #cursed

**Fredward** : that’s my bf fool

**Staniel** : You just like saying that, don’t you?

**Fredward** : *exploding heart reaction image of Ariana Grande*

**Fredward** : goddamn right I do!!

**Richel** : EDDIE!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!

**Bethany** : vomit

**Mitchell** : aren’t you literally in the same room right now

**Richel** : aren’t you literally dating bill but you both wont say it

**Mitchell** : ah

**Benson** : hey richard don’t be like that you hypocrite

**Richel** : ow ben :-(

**Benson** : im rude now

**Richiel** : ok then

**Fredward** : richie can we PLE A S E watch something else

**Richel** : N O and no NOT expose me

**Staniel** : Expose him.

**Fredward** : We’re on the eighteenth episode of victorious

**Richel** : okay edwarad lets not pretend that you don’t almost nut yourself every time beck comes on screen

**Fredward** : i am tired of you literally tearing up everytime Ariana grande speaks!

**Richel** : WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE YOUR GONNA BELIEVE GOD IS A WOMAN

**Richel** : and that woman is cat valentine

**Benson** : now that’s a religion i can get behind

**Fredward** : richie would break up with me for Ariana grande in .4 seconds

**Bethany** : richie runs a secret ariana grande tumblr

**Richel** : WOW BEV WTF

**Wilhelm** : what’s the url beverly

**Bethany** : wouldn’t be a secret then would it william

**Fredward** : richie is crying over cabbie

**Richel** : I WANT A LOVE LIKE THAT

**Fredward** : richie all they did was stand next to each other

**Benson** : they technically aren’t even endgame

_Richie Tozier removed Ben Hanscom from the group_

**Bethany** : cabbie is propaganda.

**Richel** : >:/

**Bethany** : the schools hottest drop dead knock out would never end up with the frizzy haired spazzy kid

**Staniel** : Eddie did.

**Wilhelm** : gbkjadfkjrghbmaduirbn~!!!!!!!Tnhgiuryhdgn vhck,bm fa6yathbdn XBFHkeurioepdskvc lm,bgetyr.trhgnx cbfg;rgkfd/zb.cv, b

**Staniel** : What the fuck, Bill

**Mitchell** : stan why did you just say that eddie was the hottest kid in school

**Richel** : because he is ? obviously

**Fredward** : ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ilysm !!!!!!!!

**Wilhelm** : are you talking to stan or richie

**Fredward** :  :/

**Bethany** : eddie does living with the uris mean stan is like your brother

**Richel** : *louis tomlinson voice* brothers?

**Fredward** : what

**Richel** : oh my god you’re all hopeless i hate u all

_Richie Tozier added Ben Hanscom to the chat_

**Benson** : LMAO richie i still use that anti larrie tears mug you got for my fifteenth birthday

**Richel** : ben is the love of my life now, stan and eddie whom?

**Fredward** : wow guess i’ll just go home now

**Richel** : NO NO NO

**Richel** : i would be nothing without you eddie kaspbrak my love my angel the cinnamon to my apple the light of my life my sun and stars, everything in my life is better with you and i do not want you to ever leave

**Mitchel** : …..

**Benson** : <333333333 wow richie!!!!~~

**Fredward** : Richie and I have To Go Now. Bye guys.

**Wilhelm** : they’re gonna fuck

**Bethany** : definitely gonna fuck

**Bethany** : bow chicka chicka wow wow

**Michael** : canon reddie is gross

**Benson** : leave them alone theyre in the honeymoon phase <3  

**Staniel** : It’ll probably get really old really fast, let’s be real.

**Benson** : no soon it will be all real again when we start getting streddie content

**Staniel** : When did you stop?

**Benson** : [yougotmethere.jpg]

**American Horror Story Support Group (3:47pm)**

_Eddie Kaspbrak added Michael Hanlon, Bill Denbrough and Richie Tozier to the group_

**Eddie** : ARE YOU WITCHES CAUGHT UP

**Michael** : Y E S HOLY FUCK

**Bill** : I would let Michael Langdon *** ** ***

**Richie** : William if that says what I think it does

**Richie** : bl*cked

**Bill** : what why

**Eddie** : Michael Langdon isn’t hot you just have daddy issues

**Bill** : WOW EDDIE I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

**Eddie** : we are best friends which means im allowed to call you out on your bullshit

**Michael** : ryan murphy is giving Taissa Farmiga dirt this season

**Richie** : I KNOW SHE GOT LIKE WHAT ONE LINE IN THE LAST EPISODE

**Richie** : you think im here to watch sarah Paulson play another preachy white feminist no fucking sir

**Michael** : how dare you richard

**Richie** : Zoe Benson for the new supreme 2k18

**Bill** : I have faith in Mallory

**Eddie** : valid

**Richie** : YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WEEK

**Eddie** : THE WOMAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND JESSICA LANGE

**Richie** : oh

**Richie** : i was gonna say the return of violet harmon but yeah her too

**Eddie** : list of woman richie would dump me for

**Eddie** : Ariana Grande and Taissa Farmiga

**Richie** : Selena Gomez as Alex Russo

**Eddie** : omg rich can we watch wizards of waverly place?

**Richie** : wtf kind of question is that

**Richie** : ofc we can bby

**Eddie** : yay i have the best bf

**Richie** : you heard it here first bitches eddie loves me

**Michael** : this is not the first place we heard that

**Wilhelm** : why did you guys go all the way to chicago to watch tv

**Richie** : we have Some Plans for tonight

**Michael** : that’s vague

**Richie** : *sunglasses emoji*

**Eddie** : RICHIE PUT ON WIZARDS

**Michael** : Eddie, your boyfriend is wounded. Why don’t you put it on?

**Eddie** : *knife emoji*

**Michael** : k lol

Richie: my angel <3

**Richie Tozier > Beverly Marsh (8:19am)**

**princess rich** : hey gurl heyyyyy

**prince bev** : its too the fuck early

**princess rich** : remember that time last week when you told me that thing about your life that was a big thing that was vv life changing

**prince** **bev** : don’t think ill be forgetting that anytime soon yes what about it

**princess** **rich** : i can beat it

**prince** **bev** : im intrigued

**princess** **rich** : eddie and i got married last night

**prince** **bev** : COME AGAIN FOR BIG FUDGE

**princess** **rich** : its actually so easy i don’t know why people get so stressed bout it you just gotta walk into buildings and be like MARRY US and they just do it

**prince bev:** richie youre seventeen

**princess rich:** what part of “they just do it” did you miss

**prince** **bev** : so youre not like legally married or anything

**princess** **rich** : i cannot believe this im married less then 24 hours and youre already shitting on my marriage

**prince** **bev** : richie

**princess** **richie** : do you think its going to be a lot of work to get my name changed to kaspbrak at school

**prince bev:** you cause me so much STRESS


	24. anybody whos seen my dick and met my parents needs to die

**THE SE7EN WONDERS (7:55pm)**

**fredward:** richie watches riverdale unironically

 **richel** : top 10 anime betrayals

 **benson** : ya you liking riverdale definitely is

 **richel** : you too benny ben

 **benson** : bl*cked

 **richel** : :^(

 **staniel** : Oh, I’d forgotten about those terrible noses.

 **bethany** : richie why are you like this

 **fredward** : he also ships b*ghead

 **mitchel** : why has richie and eddies trip to **Chicago** just been the two of them exposing each other

 **bethany** : oh theres been exposing alright ;))))))))))))))))))))

 **richel** : SHUT

 

**THE SE7EN WONDERS (1:03am)**

**richel** : anybody whos seen my dick and met my parents needs to die

 **mitchel** : damn rip stanley

 **mitchel** : hate to be that guy

 **richel** : wow

 **fredward** : gfhgfkjshgkjgsahdfhgkhkdjahka

 **bethany** : hmmmm spoken like a tru bottom

 **fredward** : fck offfff

 **richel** : here i am just trying to watch john mulaney with the love of my life minding my own business and i’m getting attacked for the other love of my life

 **benson** : quick everybody tag yourself as john mulaney quotes

 **benson** : im u could probably spill hot soup in my lap and id apologize to you

 **wilhelm** : im do you remember being twelve years old and being like don’t look at me or ill kill myself

 **staniel** : No. You’re “I have a girlfriend, which is surprising, considering that I’m probably gay.”

 **bethany** : ahahahahahahahahahaha

 **benson** : get rekt bill

 **fredward** : rich ur “ill keep all my emotions right here and then i’ll die”

 **richel** : fuck don’t drag me baby

 **fredward** : :D ily <3

 **richel** : ur im so horny and angry all the time

 **fredward** : hey now wow wow

 **mitchel** : richie is actually thats what i thought youd say you stipid fucking horse

 **mitchel** : bc he says it 75 times a day

 **richel** : its tru i say it about everything

 **benson** : stan is everybody out of my way, i just want to sit here and feed my birds

 **bethany** : stan is the entire skit where john mulaney talks about being a gay little boy

 **richel** : no stan is in terms of instant relief cancelling plans is like heroin

 **fredward** : maybe stan just IS john mulaney

 **mitchell** : ^^^

_Richie Tozier changed the nickname for Stanley Uris to John Stanlaney_

**fredward** : my bf is so smart :’)

 **bethany** : bf?

 **fredward** : *knife emoji* *knife emoji* *upside down smiley face*

 


	25. why we are we being wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me??? marking this fic as complete just to go back and write it again??? more likely than you think!!

**THE SE7EN WONDERS (1** **1:52pm** **)**

**richel** : ok @eds stan said no

**john stanlaney:** Wait, no. I want to know what it is.

**richel** : i see how it is. you love eddie more than you love me. hurts stanley. hurts.

**john stanlaney:** Please just get to the point.

**richel** : eddie and i get home tonight, did you want to go get breakfast tomorrow morning?

**john stanlaney:** From Hill’s?

**richel** : obviously

**john stanlaney** : And you’re paying?

**richel** : wouldn’t be a date if i wasn’t now, would it?

**john stanlaney:** Alright. I’ll be there.

**john stanlaney** : For the French Toast. And nothing else.

**richel** : obviously babe <3

**THE SE7EN WONDERS (** **9:56am** **)**

**benson** : what a beautiful pure moment to wake up to! i love cereal!

**john stanlaney** : Are you ever going to let that go?

**benson** : no. it was pure and adorable and the sweetest richie moment to date.

**fredward** : i love him!!

**benson** : we’re aware honey

**fredward** : *hearteyesemoji*

**mitchel** : love sick eddie is actually the sweetest thing ? im so soft for him.

**wilhelm** : honestly? same. eddie openly-in-love-with-richie is the sweetest eddie. i would die for him 10x more than regular eddie

**bethany** : openly-in-love-with-richie eddie is a huge dumb gayass

**benson** : stop attacking love!

**fredward** : YEAH BEAVERLY STOP ATTACKING LOVE

**fredward** : AT LEAST FOR THE NEXT HALF AN HOUR WHILE WE HAVE

**fredward** : BREAKFAST

**fredward** : WITH

**fredward** : STANLEY

**bethany** : oh. okay yes. will do. reddie is great and pure and  not stupid.

**benson** : we are missing something big somehow

**fredward** : Chicago was wild y’all just let it happen updates to come i love you all

**Wilhelm** : somehow i don’t feel anymore relaxed????????????

**Bill Denbrough >>> Richie Tozier**

**billahhhh** : hey ik youre on your breakfast date with your beaus but i have an important question

**richahhh** : i have an answer

**billahhhh:** do you remember when you said that girl in your class liked me and wanted my number

**richahhh:** dude. that was like three plot lines and a literal stabbing ago, why i would i remember that?

**richahhh:** but yeah audra, continue

**billahhhh:** i was wondering if you would give me her number

**richahhh:** absolutely not no

**billahhhh:** what why

**richahhh:** because audra is very sweet and as much as i lov u i wont let you hurt her in your 2nd gay panic

**billahhhh** : i have no idea what youre talking about

**richahhh:** billy i have two amazing boys being amazing pls just go talk to mike im turning your notifs off :) i love u!

**billahhhh:** youre the worst  friend in the world!!!!!!

**THE SE7EN WONDERS (** **11:27pm** **)**

**richel:** so lovelies are we doing secret santa this year

**richel** **:** also eddie and i got married in Chicago

**mitchel** **:** you and eddie what

**mitchel** **:** richie ur seventeen is that even legal

**richel** **:** [image of marriage certificate.png]

**richel** **:** youre talking to the new mr. richard kaspbrak

**benson** **:** i would love to do secret santa!!!

_Bill Denbrough set his nickname to bill a bong_

_Bill Denbrough set the nickname for Beverly Marsh to beaverly_

_Bill Denbrough set the nickname for Richie Tozier to mr eddie kaspbrak_

_Bill Denbrough set the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to kasperbrak_

_Bill Denbrough set the nickname for Ben Hanscom to benny button_

_Bill Denbrough set the nickname for Mike Hanlon to mike n ike_

**bill a bong** **:** restoring balance to the force :)

**mr eddie kaspbrak:** im still not giving you her number

**bill a bong** : bl*cked

**mike n ike** **:** whos number

**mr eddie kaspbrak** **:** haha oh no

**john stanlaney** **:** Way to go, Rich!!

**kasperbrak** **:** oh baby youre so dumb

**bill** **a** **bong** **:** i asked richie for the number of the girl from richies drama class but he said no

**mike** **n** **ike** **:** oh

**mike n ike:** ok

**beaverly** **:** wow bill do you come with an off switch jfc

**bill a bong** **:** why are we being wild its just a chicks number it doesn’t matter that much

**kasperbrak** **:** oh billy billy billy :(

**Mike Hanlon >>> Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier, Stanley Uris**

**Mike:** hey @ streddie

**Eddie** **:** yes Michael my sweet angel that i love more than my boyfriend

**Stanley** **:** I’d get defensive but I mean, it’s MIKE so.

**Richie** **:** word!

**Mike** **:** are you busy? did you wanna maybe hang out?

**Mike** **:** am sad.

**Richie** **:** come over!!! my parents aren’t here! becks can make us pasta!!

**Richie** **:** you love pasta :)

**Mike** **:** i love you richie!

**Richie** **:** assume im sending twelve thousand heart eyes emoji rn

**Eddie** **:** me too but don’t be afraid to back off my husband ya fool *heart eyes emoji*

**Stanley** **:** Rebecca is the one actually making the pasta, shouldn’t it be her you love?

**Richie** **:** you cant come over if you say you love becky man thems the rules

**Eddie** **:** i love becky

**Richie** **:** she’s your sister now that’s okay

**Eddie** **:** ogmgggggggggggggggmmgmg

**Stanley:** Disgusting  <3

**Mike** **:** still unsure just how legally binding this marriage actually is but either way its adorable


	26. and then there was angst

**THE SE7EN WONDERS (3:45pm** )

**mr eddie kaspbrak** : hey lovelies whom i love so much

**mr eddie kaspbrak** : is everybody present

**bill a bong** : whats up rich

**mr eddie kaspbrak** : it would appear that a certain mr wentworth tozier is not as okay with the gay as originally planned

**john stanlaney:** Did he touch you? I swear to fuck, if he hurt you, Richie, I’ll kill him.

**mr eddie kaspbrak** : eaaaaaasy there killer surprisingly he didn’t even raise his voice. he was almost too calm when telling him what was Going to Happen Next

**[mike hanlon]:** that’s so ominous

**mr eddie kaspbrak** : he’s sending me to live with my aunt Karen in Indiana. apparently he thinks his and moms divorce gave me a “broken idea” of marriage aka made me gay so he thinks it in my best interest to go stay with them and see a true healthy heterosexual relationship. get my head back on straight.

**mr eddie kaspbrak** : pun intended

**john stanlaney:** How long.

**mr eddie kaspbrak:** from what I can tell? until i graduate high school or decide to be a cishet

**benny button** : omg richie :(( no

**kasperbrak** : he can’t do that! we’re married! doesn’t that mean anything!

**mr eddie kaspbrak** : i tried to play that card baby i did but dad just pointed that i was a minor, hes going to drag me down to city hall and get it alluded :’(

**kasperbrak** : oh:(

**[mike hanlon]:** this is the woerst

**kasperbrak** : this can’t be happening

**mr eddie kaspbrak:** i know it sucks baby but hes not taking my phone he can keep us apart but we’ll always be talking to each other okay. i love u.

**kasperbrak:** whats the point

**mr eddie kaspbrak:** come again my love

**[mike hanlon]:** noooooooooo i don’t want this i don’t want to see this

**kasperbrak:** this is has been nothing but a struggle since the beginning and once we finally get together and things look good THIS happens I cant fucking believe it

**mr eddie kaspbrak** : i didn’t want this!!!

**john stanlaney** : Okay! Eddie, Richie and I are moving into private chat!

**The Wet Dream Team (3:51pm)**

**Stanley** <3: Eddie, care to explain what that was all about?

**Richie** <3: yes please because I am totally panicking

**Eds** <3: it just…. we’ve been through so much to get to this point and its getting ripped away again its like… the universe trying to tell us that this isn’t meant to be…

**Eds** <3: that maybe we should just call the whole thing off

**Stanley** <3: Come on, Eddie, you don’t mean that.

**Eds** <3: maybe i do

**Richie** <3: so what? you want to break up?

**Eds** <3: i just can’t keep getting jerked around and never getting to end up happy

**Richie** <3: oh okay well i am so fucking sorry eds that my emotional torment, kidnapping, stabbing, near hypothermia and now being forced to go live with my homophobic aunt and uncle is so hard on YOU

**Eds** <3: rich….

**Richie <3: **no you want to break up fine lets fucking break up, my father is making me end the marriage so might as well make a clean break yeah?

**Eds** <3: richie im sorry

**Richie** <3: yeah i have packing to do. my train heads out tomorrow morning

**Stanley** <3: Tomorrow?

**Richie** <3: yep. guess he wants to get his f*ggot son away from him as quickly as possible

**Eddie** <3: did he deadass call you that

**Richie** <3: what do you care

**Stanley** <3: Richie… That’s not fair.

**Richie** <3: nothing ever fucking is

**Richie** <3: i have to go

**Stanley Uris > Eddie Kaspbrak**

**stanny *heart eyes*:** Hey, keep it together if you can, babe. I’m on my way home right now, we’ll eat ice cream and we can talk about everything. 

**Eddie Bird** : Im at the arcade. ive been staring at street fighter for ten minutes

**Eddie Bird** : i know i was too hard on richie and i basically that person whove like im sorry for mental illness is so hard on me except with his traumas but fuck stan i rlly cant keep doing this everytime i think things are good they get ripped away from me

**Eddie Bird** : im going to develop a complex

**Stanny *heart eyes*:** I’m on route to the arcade right now, we’ll talk in person. But Eddie, you’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling. And so is Richie. It’s a lot to take in in a very short period of time. Doesn’t mean love each other any less than you did yesterday.

**Eddie Bird:** i love you stan

**Stanny *heart eyes** *: I love you too, Eddie. See you soon.

**THE SE7EN WONDERS (6:54pm** )

**beaverly** : YOU GO GET ONE HAIR CUT WHAT THE FCK

**Beverly Marsh > Richie Tozier**

**prince** **bev** : when do you leave :(

**princess** **rich** : tomorrow morning

**prince** **bev** : no that’s too soon

**princess** **rich** : eddie broke up with me

**prince** **bev** : IM SORRY HE W H A T

**princess** **rich** : said he couldn’t deal with the cosmic jerking around.  cant say i blame him, now he and stan can be together in a normal happy couple without a stupid angst-ridden side quest

**prince** **bev** : don’t you dare talk about it that way! eddie and stan love you!! i watched them fall in love with you, and you them, over the last like ten fucking years. your dad can force you to Indiana but graduation is less than a year from now and you turn eighteen even before that! he cant make you stay forever

**princess** **rich** : it doesn’t matter bev we’re all going to go to college after graduation and who knows if itll be to the same places now its not like we can apply together

**prince** **bev** : why not? just because youre not going to sitting beside them while you apply doesn’t mean you cant apply to the same places!

**princess** **rich** : eddie broke up with me bev and they literally already live together! they deserve to go forward and be together without waiting around for their baggage

**princess** **rich** : better to just throw away the whole suitcase

**prince** **bev** : fuck you make me so sad best friend

**prince** **bev** : im coming with you

**princess** **rich** : love you bev

**prince** **bev** : i love u too

**Reddie Support Group (7:03pm)**

 

**Beverly** : [screenshots of conversation with richie.png]

**Beverly** : im actually so upset rn somebody come console me

**Ben** : Richie is leaving TOMORROW?

**Ben** : i need to be consoled too :’(

**Beverly** : come over then

**Ben** : … actually?

**Beverly** : yes i need hugs

**Ben** : ok omw

**Stanley** : He actually called himself “our baggage”? I think I might throw up.

**Stanley** : Eddie can’t see those texts, he’s already inconsolable. I don’t know what I’m going to do, he won’t stop crying.

**Mike** : do you want me to come over? idk how much help im going to be but maybe i can take some eddie tears so you can take some time stan

**Stanley** : I’m fine.

**Bill** : stan. none of us are fine, and we aren’t in love with him. its okay to not be okay with this.

**Stanley** : I just need to take care of Eddie right now.

**Mike** : okay please take care of yourself too!

**Stanley** : I will. Thank you.

**Stanley Uris > Richie Tozier**

**Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** Richie, I just want to say that I love you

**Rich is a Bitch *devil emoji*:** I love you too, Stan my Man

**Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** Have a safe trip tomorrow, please text me!

**Rich is a Bitch *devil emoji*:** You know i will. ill be blowing up your phone everyday

**Stan’s a Man *cum emoji*:** <3

**Rich is a Bitch *devil emoji*:** <3


	27. king trashmouth

**Richie Tozier > Ben Hanscom** (9:17am)

***tongue emoji* *turkey emoji*:** heyyyyy benny boy!!!

***heart emoji* *angel emoji*:** richie! how’s the train? we already miss you!

***tongue emoji* *turkey emoji** *: so funny story about that

***tongue emoji* *turkey emoji** *: i got off at the first stop in bangor can you please come pick me up and pls don’t tell anybody

***heart emoji* *angel emoji** *: bev slept over last night i wont be able to leave without her noticing can she come

***tongue emoji* *turkey emoji** *: *eyes emoji*

***heart emoji* *angel emoji** *: not like that richie

***heart emoji* *angel emoji** *: is it okay?

***tongue emoji* *turkey emoji** *: i would trust beverly with my life ofc its okay

**THE SE7EN WONDERS** (11:43am)

**kasperbrak** : i know we’re all sad but do we have to be quiet too? can we please hang out? or something? i don’t think i can handle feeling so alone rn

**john stanlaney** : Okay, guess I’ll leave then.

**kasperbrak** : no i would die

**john stanlaney:** Yikes. Okay.

**benny button** : Sorry, Eddie! bev and i are in Bangor rn!  im going to be driving soon!

**bill a bong** : youre in bangor already at this time in the morning? what did u leave at like 9am?

**beaverly** : 930

**beaverly** : ben drive speedy

**bill a bong** : why

**beaverly** : top secret william need to know basis

**bill a bong** : since when i am not a need to know person?

**[mike hanlon]** : you’ve been de-throned. how does it feel?

**bill a bong** : who is king if not me

**beaverly** : richie

**john stanlaney:** Richie.

**[mike hanlon]:** richie!

**bill a bong** : youre in bangor for richie? wtf does that mean

**kasperbrak** : yeah! what the fuck DOES that mean ben

**benny button** : we’re not in bangor for richie ahahahah who said that

**kasperbrak** : :///

**beaverly** : what do you care if we WERE in bangor for richie, which we’re not because hes on a train to Indiana. didn’t u dump his ass lmao

**kasperbrak** : i didn’t want to!!

**beaverly** : then why did you

**mr eddie kaspbrak** : who the fuck cares? it happened can yall just shut the fuck up

**mr eddie kaspbrak:** neither eddie nor i want to read/think about this anymore please

**kasperbrak** : thank you richie

**mr eddie kaspbrak** : yep.

_Richie Tozier changed his nickname to King Trashmouth_

**king trashmouth** : assuming my father went and got our wedding all chopped up downtown after dropping me off at the train station

**kasperbrak** : you didn’t go?

**king trashmouth** : no

**king trashmouth** : my dad can force me away from my life but he cant make me go along with erasing it completely

**king trashmouth:** cant take away my relationship with eddie just because he doesn’t like it no matter how far away he sends me

**kasperbrak** : rich…

_Richie Tozier left the group chat_

**kasperbrak** : im going to cut out my own stomach and feed it to a sheep

**[mike hanlon]:** stay away from my farm please

**kasperbrak** : fair

**Mike Hanlon > Eddie Kaspbrak**

**angelllllllll** : do you want me to bring you and stan ice cream?

**BABY YOURE MY** : mint chocolate????????????????

**angellllllllll** : obviously

**BABY YOURE MY:** yes pls ily  <3


	28. soft eddie is DEAD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guess whos back..... back again...

**THE SE7EN WONDERS (3:49pm)**

**beaverly** : good morning gamers

 **bill a bong** : it’s almost 4pm

 **beaverly** : ok

 **beaverly** : my life is a mess

 **john stanlaney:** Speaking of lives being a mess. Has anybody heard from or seen Richard since he left the chat yesterday? It seems as though he never made it to his aunt and uncles’ in Hawkins. His family is very worried.

 **bill a bong** : his family?

 **john stanlaney** : Okay. His sister. You really couldn’t have just let me take the generalization?

 **bill a bong:** no this is the closest i’ll ever get to correcting you

 **john stanlaney:** We have more pressing issues. Richie is missing. It makes sense that he might run away rather than go to his relatives, but I think we should be concerned if we haven’t heard from him.

 **john stanlaney** :  Ben? Bev? Have you guys heard from him?

 **beaverly** : WHY WOULD WE HAVE HEARD FROM HIM? WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING STANLEY?

 **john stanlaney** : I?

 **bill a bong** : *eyes emoji*

 **micycle** : that seems a little defensive for somebody who hasn’t heard from richie

 **beaverly** : its 4pm and i just woke up give me a little bit of credit

 **bill a bong:** sounds like something that would happen to bev after getting high with richie *eyes emoji*

 **beaverly** : i will come over to your house and fucking castrate you rn

 **kasperbrak** : mike wouldn’t let that very much i don’t think

 **beaverly** : fffffffffffffffffffff eddie

 **kasperbrak** : im rude now

 **kasperbrak** : now that i am broken and jadged i must act the part

 **kasperbrak** : soft eddie is DEAD

 **bill a bong** : calm down edgelord

 **john stanlaney** : PLEASE do not encourage him. Yesterday he went to the thrift store downtown and bought 20 different black tshirts and hoodies. He says his life is devoted of all colour and meaning now.

 **beaverly** : that is some next level extra and i fucking respect it

 **kasperbrak** : i don’t need your approval

 **beaverly** : damn ok

 **benson** : richie is missing? that’s wild hope you find him :)

 **bill a bong:** *snake emoji* *snake emoji* *snake emoji*

**Bill Denbrough >>> Ben Hanscom **

**Bill** : did you FORGET that my bedroom window faces into your houses guest room

 **Ben** : Well

 **Ben** : I in fact did forget that.

 **Bill** : mike and i are coming over

 **Ben** : You And MIKE Huh

 **Bill** : shut?

 **Mike Hanlon >> Stanley Uris** (6:07pm)

 **Mikey <3:** How do you feel about skipping school tomorrow

 **Stanny <3:** Rather poorly. I have a science test. What would I skipping for?

 **Mikey <3**: Road trip with me and Ben to Jackson?

 **Stanny <3**: What? Why? What’s in Jackson?

 **Mikey <3:** Maggie Tozier.


End file.
